I got a cup of "cafe autentico" kroger brand instant coffee. The coffee tastes like coffee filters. I've eaten eight slices of pizza. My coworkers are watching Seventh Heaven. A perfect time to think of SPELLS.
Target's attack bonus becomes the sum of the digits which are the current real life time
1d4 rounds after casting this spell, the caster disappears and reappears at their original location in the original physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual state in which they had cast this spell
Soul Eater. Open wide and swallow a creature that you've personally killed. Your total hitpoints are increased by their total hit-dice. You gain their immunities and resistances. Any curses, blessings, and diseases are transferred to you. If they knew spells, you learn one of their spells at random. Demonic and divine attention pointed their way is now yours. Fall into a stupor and relive in real time the final day of their life. The physical and spiritual struggle reduces you to one hit point. Slowly and arduously vomit them back up with one hit point and one level less. Since you ate their soul, you can't do it again.
The teak hand, anointed with honey, coffee, lavender oil, and pine resin, and painted with ink made from teeth and hair, springs into the air and points in the direction of the closest family member of the original owner of the teeth and hair.
Here is an anvil painted with silver paint. Here is a spoon painted with same. Cast upon them the Charm of the Deserted Counselor. Ring the one with the other and shortly will approach a wizened, cynical, shrunken man with bald head, empty eye sockets, the end of his tongue is removed, as is his left hand. Wearily teaches you the secret words by which to transform into the Yeth Hound and climb the Dark Rays which emanate from the empty night sky; attack three times per round as a longsword; gain magic resistance 57%; speak the Dark Tongue of Chaos; and enter into the Plane of Shadow. But not the way to transform back.
Target now moves as a Knight. Each round exactly fifteen feet in a straight line, then five either left or right. But becomes immaterial and ethereal to plants and animals during that movement. Lasts 1 round/level.
Anoint nostril and lips of freshly slain and speak this spell. They exhale a malicious spirit with their aspect which fights for you. HD as the slain creature. Incorporeal, gaseous, may fly 20' per round. Touch attack as a Str 10 fighter to enter the mouth and nostrils of their enemy and cause d4 1. paranoia, 2. hallucination, 3. panic, 4. treachery. Lasts d4 rounds at which point the spirit is exhaled again. Spirit remains for 2d6 rounds.
Three gaunt children tumble from your sleeve and proceed to dance a woeful caper about you. As long as the children remain, your spells shall be uninterruptable, and all poisons, curses, and missiles directed your way shall affect the children in your stead.
Each of your fingers transforms a new shade, and your left pinky finger and ring finger and right pinky finer shrivel and fall off. The fingers gain the following powers, usable three times each.
Vermillion. Unbreakable, unbendable.
Viridian. A touch of this finger causes nausea and disorientation for 1 round.
Jaundiced. To point the jaundiced thumb causes to spring forth a javelin, range forty feet.
Pinked. To point the pinked thumb makes to inflict the verdant thought, so that the sufferer must repeat the same sentence every round until they save.
Blue. A touch of this finger causes to fall from their lips a flood of worms for 1d4 rounds.
Royal. For what the other fingers cause, the royal finger shall undo.
White. Which to touch to a mirrored surface shall cause fine clear moonlight as a full moon to spill from, showing the flaws in illusion, and the shadows of the invisible.