Friday, February 16, 2018

It Is History Time

"Nate, it would be nice if we knew a little history." They asked for history they will get history.

PRESENT DAY (within the past year)

Decline of most nation-states, particularly BELMRIC, the MORIAD, OROSTRANTHY, the MERELUNDS, and VELENHEIM. Civilized power is at an ALL TIME LOW
Expansion of the GOBLIN WASTES. Expansion of the SWAMP OF MONSTERS. Expansion of the DEEP FOG of the MERELUNDS. Colonization of ABAZIDUN by the dwarven KING OF DIAMONDS. Destruction of the SEAT OF WORMS and the WHITESKALD WOODS by skeletons. Disappearance of the SEVEN PRINCESSES OF THE MORIAD. Rumors that the TEMPLE OF ELEMENTAL EVIL has been reinhabited. Goblins, beast-men, demon cults, vampires, slaad, and other monstrous forces make deeper incursions into what remains of civilization.

RECENT PAST: LAST 100 YEARS

Almost complete dissolution of the kingdom of OROSTRANTHY, now commonly called THE GOBLIN WASTES, due to constant marauding by goblins, beastmen, and the forces of Urizen
War between BELMRIC and VELENHEIM related to disputes regarding the southern border of Velenheim ends in a LOSS for the white elves. Establishment of various border castles, among them THE SEAT OF WORMS.
The wizard ILLITH VARN leads an army of beastmen against SOLEMN CRY, capital of OROSTRANTHY. His subsequent defeat, retreat into the CANYONS OF MISERY AND DESPAIR, and beheading. His head, his body, and the SKOROS ORB, the source of his power, is lost in the labyrinths.
QUALLMAR of the SWAMP OF MONSTERS defeats the TEMPLE OF ELEMENTAL EVIL. Utter rout of the cultists within. Pope Xarcander X publicly beheaded in Quallmar.

LAST 300 YEARS

Resurrection of ORCUS in a shrine on the eastern coastline. Subsequent war between the forces of OROSTRANTHY and forces of ORCUS leads to his defeat and burial in RAPPAN ATHUK, THE DUNGEON OF GRAVES.
The CHURCH OF ELEMENTAL EVIL once again reinhabits their TEMPLE in the SWAMP OF MONSTERS.
The DOOM OF KIZAAD, once capital city of the MERELUNDS. The city is abandoned.
DEIRREGEX the BLACK DRAGON arrives from the north. The frost giants of the HATEMOUNTAIN are forced to retreat to the arctic KRAAL. War between Deirregex and the white elves of VELENHEIM leads to the decline of the white elf empire. A subsequent reliance on necromancy to bolster their ranks.
XAL-ZAX THRUUL THE BLIGHTED MALICE, also known as THE RED DRAGON, arrives from the west. His spawn multiply and inhabit what comes to be known as the SWAMP OF MONSTERS.
AZHARDHUL the BLACK DRAKE is slain by the martyred maiden SAINT COREME. His amassed wealth leads to a golden age for OROSTRANTHY. Subsequent building of the SILK WALL to protect Orostranthy from the forces of Urizen.

LAST 1000 YEARS (More or less all occurring simultaneously and in no particular order,)

A golden age for BELMRIC leads to period of extremely silly clothing, still mocked today.
Arrival of AZHARDHUL the BLACK DRAKE from the north. Enslavement of all mortals south of Olomoc and east of the Moriad under his reign. Forced worship. Mass murder.
Founding of the MORIAD by KING BLOOD I
The GREAT BEASTMAN WARS between the GOATREICH and human civilization. The GOATREICH is annihilated, their cities burned and fields salted. Beastmen are forced into wilderness.
The VAMPIRE KINGS of the MERELUNDS begin their SLOW WAR. Only KIZAAD stands apart.
The ascendance of the UNDYING KINGS of VELENHEIM. Their alliance with the frost giants leads to a golden age for the white elves.
Birth of ABJECTA, QUEEN OF MAGGOTS in BELMRIC, subsequent burial in the BLACK PIT. Nevertheless, the DIPTERIC ORDER is established.
The DARK ELVES establish a surface kingdom, are briefly unstoppable, before abandoning for reasons unknown.
The TEMPLE OF ELEMENTAL EVIL, a force of terror in the swamps south of the Merelunds, is routed for the first time.
Reign of the SKY WITCH in the MOUNTAINS OF HUNGER. Ends in revolution, she declares her subjects ungrateful and disappears along with her flying fortress.
Secret war between SLAAD and CHASME breaks out into open battles between frog and fly. Period of plague.
UILLEATH THE FATHOM WYRM destroys LOTH ARMANEA for the second time.

LAST 2000 YEARS

Continent-spanning empire "ULDRU" linking what is now KIZAAD to BELMRIC to OROSTRANTHY declines due to internecine warfare, rumors of demonic influence. Remaining nation states vie for power.
A golden age for LOTH ARMANEA through alliance with the BLUE ELVES.
Long cross-ocean war between ULDRU and the PHARAOHS of the PSYCHODESERT eventually leads to victory for Uldru.

BEFORE THAT

The goblins build HAVITH ORR.
UILLEATH THE FATHOM WYRM emerges from the depths and destroys LOTH ARMANEA for the first time.
FENRATH THE WOLF and IZORIDES THE WITCH marry, subsequent devouring of her children, divorce and separation into own realms.
Period where owning demons was extremely fashionable, leads to sudden mass slaughter and the second GREAT DEMON WAR. A Pyrrhic victory for humanity.
Founding of BELMRIC by BELM, his leaving.
That time when the SUN PRINCE decided to establish an earthly empire, burns great swath of the earth in holocaust.
EGG MOON hatches, thence LAMDRU, who promptly sequesters self in the mountains west of ULDRU.
Establishment of ULDRU on the backs of various broken nation states.
Building of the TEMPLE OF ELEMENTAL EVIL by Pope Ultralith I.
Founding of OLOMOC

10,000ish YEARS AGO

WAR between the DEMON LORDS and the GODS. MURDER of the PRINCES OF ELEMENTAL EVIL: OGREMOCH, IMIX, CRYONAX, ANCIBIN, and ALLADRA. Execution of URIZEN by the FAIRY QUEEN MARYBELLE. DEFEAT and DEATHS of ZUGGTMOY, ORCUS, and LOLTH. DISAPPEARANCE of DEMOGORGON, LORD OF REALITY. A subsequent golden age for HUMAN CIVILIZATION.
Ascendance of the various gods: BELM, IZORIDES, FENRATH, FNORN, NITO, and others. Retreat of the DRAGONS into wilderness.  A golden age for the gods and the mortals who serve them.

BEFORE THAT

An AGE OF DEMONS lasts for years unnumbered. All mortal civilization is subjugated under the great DEMON LORDS. The DRAGONS roam uncontested. The earth grows old.

BEFORE THAT

Whence the great demon lords? They say that the first spell was the creation of earth, cast by the demons at the beginning of time. But some say they arrived from somewhere else and that the earth was already old when they came, that there were times when elves ruled over the earth, and more ancient human civilizations, and an Age of Water, a Reptile Age, and others. But according to the gods, their arrival marks the beginning of time, and to ponder times before that is heresy. Anyway the truth is gone, and only strange people search for it.

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Here's the room list for the THRICE CURSED PRISON OF DENDRIC VAST

Unfound secrets redacted or simply omitted. They've been pretty much everywhere and have a serviceable map so it seems like the right time to post this. This is basically exactly as I wrote it when I first wrote the dungeon. I'll post the map if they ever complete it.

THE ROOMS

1 Three men chained together. Some prisoners standing around in chains (d6). A couple guards directing them. Every once in a while a prisoner comes in from a random door and the guards go about kicking another one out. If you’re kind, the guards will warn you against the judge, though they regard it as a sort of hazing.
A 12 wasted prisoners chained together, eating gruel. Many pigeons.
2 In a stone vat the size of a kid’s tub (but deeper) is a pink jelly, suspended in there are electric eels. 
3 REDACTED
4 Many prisoners! They are in a complex queue from door to door which forms a maze. Movement in this room is difficult because there are so many people.
5 A lion. HD 8, AC 14, claw/claw/bite 1d8+2/1d8+2/1d10+3 +6, if it gets both claw attacks it gets another 2 claw attacks for free. On the floor beside it on a scrap of paper is a bad map of REDACTED. Prisoners form up at the door and run through every few minutes, the lion only kills 1/day.
6 10ish prisoners waiting, singing an illegal shanty. No guards here, but every 10 minutes 2 dark-guards appear to force one through the lion room, and take another into room 17. On door: WARNING LION
7 The queue passes straight through. On the west wall is a painting of REDACTED an abstract color field with a bird going through it but REDACTED. REDACTED.
8 On a high podium is HIS HONOR JUDGE WORRAL BLUNT. When anyone comes in he assigns them a random crime. Guards know better than to come it here because the crime is binding. CRIMES: REDACTED. When you’re assigned a crime you’re magically compelled (WIS DC 15) to move into the next room.
9 9 jurors in high seats sentence you to life in prison, WIS DC 15. If the sentence takes, you’re then unable to leave the prison until you die. All guards now regard you as a prisoner regardless of your former status. REDACTED.
10 A pool of stagnant water fills the room. Leeches.
11 A RED KNIGHT. HD 10, HP 80, AC 20, SHIELD AND SPIKED MACE. MACE: 2 attacks, +8, 1d10+4, Special move: Stunning blow, successful hit has a 50% chance of stunning enemy for next turn (Con DC 12). Bonus action: makes a siren sound and red lights come shooting out of its helmet, makes talking over the noise impossible. Immune to anything red. Kills prisoners and guards on sight, ignores all others. Pile of dead bodies, in there is a hiding cat, an alive guard pretending to be dead, 100gold, and a magic ring shaped like a friendly little serpent that allows SPEAK TO SNAKES at will. No one can account for the red knight, they prefer to pretend it doesnt exist. He doesn’t leave the room.
12 Guards are putting prisoners into metal boxes are pushing them into the next room. On the ceiling is giant tarantula, HP 30, AC 12, Grab And Bite +6 1d6+1, Poison deals 2d6 damage (Con DC 16), also its bristles are covered in alluring aroma. Each time you’re poisoned, make an increasing Wisdom check DC 8+damage taken to avoid pushing your face deep into its wonderful cushiony bristels. It only attacks if you look at it.
13 The walls are lined with boxes. d6 guards loading them in. An esoteric sorting and labeling system. The boxes all have holes and slots. The prisoners are ok with this.
14. In a 10’ circle on the floor is inscribed a hideous sigil bleeding chaos energy. It hurts to look at and makes you nauseas. If you cross it REDACTED.
15 Red stone, white mosaic of a forest. In the middle of the room is a big hot bath of steaming water. Lounging in it is a naked old guy GRECKLE BLARN, a 10th level wizard whose soul is chained to the bath water. If the water is let out he screams and dies. A guard comes in every day to refill the water. REDACTED REDACTED.
16 REDACTED.
17 This entire area is DARKENED. Not magically, there’s just no lights, and lights are illegal. The darkknights in this area see in unknown colors related to the meteorite’s rot—if inspected, their eyes are all oozing, but they can see just fine in complete dark. In this room the floor is criss-crossed with bottle-neck oubliettes—narrow holes that go down 25’ feet and open into a bottle-shaped chamber. Each one has a prisoner. Praying, crying. 4 DARKKNIGHTS: HD 8, AC 18, swords are also REDACTED. One of the prisoners is REDACTED.
18. Here’s an imprisoned monster that just looks like a giant head with stubby feet. He’s got a huge mouth with big flat molars. HD 12, AC 12, 3 Bites +10 3d12 damage. He attacks the most illegal person (highest thief level), otherwise is interested in swapping poetry, would like a little light. All doors into/out are locked DC 15. 
19 REDACTED.
20 REDACTED.
21 A flowing fountain coming out of a peeing cherub REDACTED. A ring in the fountain: shaped like a friendly little fish, 1/day user can shape a 10’ cube of water into whatever shape they want.
22 A feast in darkness! A really good banquet, big pillows, hot prisoners, guards eating and having fun, music, drugs, the works. 3d20 prisoners, d100 guards. If you hang out and eat the banquet, REDACTED. If you do the drugs HORSEHEAD, you’re able to see in the dark for 2d6 hours, but also d20 glowing radioactive skeletons have a 50% chance to replace any random encounter for duration. HP 5, AC 11, claw+5 1d4+1, also 1d6 damage per round to all within 15’, after damage taken=max HP then gain random mutation.

RIGHT NOW THEY ARE SERVING:

1HOT LAMB
2LANTERN BUGS
3SAVORY SOUP
4WINTER TARTS
5CREAM BITES
6HONEYS

The guards their eyes are all leaking all over the table, they’re drinking and chatting, everyone’s hanging out and having a nice time.

The kitchen is in a weird metal shelter to the south! here is the chef ORACHAI KORDUL and his 3 cooks, ceaselessly making food. Foods of all varieties are here. Some special notes:

REDACTED
REDACTED
Among the rare spices is a jar of RONDING MALICK. This is worth 600 gold to a chef. If tasted, REDACTED
Tanks of lobsters, crabs, jellyfish, fish, giant isopods, songbirds. A tank with a great dane. A tank with a beetleman 
A very tall and extremely succulent looking cake is in the works! It will be served the next day. It is REDACTED REDACTED
23 REDACTED
24 Gallows in this room. d4+3 are hanging here. d6 dark guards going through their belongings.
25 On a DARKLY RADIANT THRONE is the DARKLY RADIANT DARK-KING MORNLING DROC. Silver eyes, dark skin, silver hair, elven in appearance, cruelly beautiful. He wears a coiled crown. Ostensibly his boss is Dendric Vast, but he is in love with Malareth. He goes to visit her 1/week and they have coffee and talk.

He blocks passage into Malareth’s chambers. 

“I KEEP THE CELL OF MALARETH THE MEDUSA! IMPRISONED FOR TREASON AGAINST OROSTRANTHY. HER TERM… IS SOLITARY CONFINEMENT! FOR LIFE!”

He pretends to be her prison guard but of course is her protector. Ways to gain his trust: bring him the head of any cultists of urizen or show that you’re committed to undoing their works; slaying the demon of change; get a memento from the dwarves at the inn; etc.

People who know the truth: the darkknights, the witches. regular prison guards arent in on it

“PALLID GROSS INTENDS TO TURN THIS PRISON INTO AN ALTAR FOR URIZEN. HE MUST BE PUT DOWN”
“MY HOME IS AN OCEAN THAT EXISTS FAR BELOW THE SHALLOW CRUST YOU CALL THE EARTH… I LONG FOR A MEMENTO TO REMEMBER IT BY”
“YOU MAY BUY A SLAVE FOR 600 GOLD”

Also here: d4+3 knights, d6+1 guards, 2d20 slaves

REDACTED

TREASURE: REDACTED.

The walls of the room are lined with weapons: flails, halberds, axes, clubs, swords, etc. REDACTED.

The door to Malareth’s room is all chained up and there’s a big padlock. He has the key.

Treasure is in a big gleaming titanium chest with a big beaked gargoyle face. The key is REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED. Inside is 3000 gold.

3 DAYS LOAN: 1500 gold

26 announcing room. a fancy rug has really over the top texture. cages lining the walls contain prisoners. 2 really beefy prison guards are here in charge of bouncing guests. HP REDACTED REDACTED.

27 well lit by glowing grubs in glass orbs. blue drapes. white marble floor. contorted prisoners turn to stone are used as furniture.
28. copper birdbath has fresh water. 12 songbirds are attached by chains to their legs to little hooks on the birdbath. a painting of a sun shines real sunlight here, allows 4 tangled bushes to grow. each one has an object at its center: severed head of a petrified prisoner. there’s twisty grass growing in planters too, this is food for the grubs.
29 Malareth’s room. Gold cloth on all surfaces. The stone is worked into benches, chairs, a heart-shaped bed. Malareth is a handsome older woman who wears a cloth mask, she is tired but patient and biding her time. Pallid Gross is a nuisance who tried to befriend her when she first moved in but she turned down his advances and he started trying to kill her, now they’re waging a war for control. She wants to be free but:

REDACTED REDACTED

30 Here’s where the assassin ladies live. Soft cots, REDACTED.
31 Here’s where the cockatrices live. There are 8 of them, they each have a little bed. There’s a little music box in the shape of a hen that plays tinkling little music for a couple hours at a time, REDACTED REDACTED.
32 THE BIG ROOM. 




A. This broken staircase is not connected to anything. REDACTED REDACTED
B. There is a small keyhole in the middle of this stone slab. Anyone will tell you that is the secret treasure of CORONA VEST, REDACTED REDACTED.
C. A filthy merchant GRILDA YERT sells wares through a window. For sale: 12 Feral cats (24g for the whole pack), coal, a bad map of one-quarter of the prison (100g), a slave girl 600g (VERA TASIC), a potion of regenerate 300g (as the spell), a full window pane that magically fits into any opening less than 15 square feet and seals itself (500g). 
D. No clear way to get up here. 2d6 BIG BLACK BEETLES with no clear heads, they lift their wings and extrude a black, dripping skull and human-like hands. HP 20 AC 15 bite+4 3d6, they try to PUSH you off the edge while they eat another. A skeleton has a halberd that sheds ultralight in darkness (ultralight lets everyone see in bright purple hues while shedding no real light).

E. Exit to room 11. REDACTED.
F. Exit to room 33. A regular sized door.
G. Exit to room 36. Prison guards saying “I WONDER IF DENDRIC VAST WILL EVER DIE”
H. A makeshift art gallery. Terrible paintings, just black squares. A little art show is going on. One painting is actually a secret tunnel to room 45.
I. Exit to room 37. 
33 Blood stains all over the floor. Pressure plate on the floor someone automatically trips after walking through (choose randomly), then long 8 blades shoot out of the walls  at 4’ intervals. DEX save DC 16 or 8d8 damage. Perception 12 to notice. South wall is a REAL WHALE except it looks sort of fake—lacquered, painted, plastic-y. Its mouth sticks out of the wall. It can speak whale, it ate a prince or orostranthy while on a sailing expedition. It is evil. If it opens its mouth you can go to the next room.
34 A child being held by a statue of a gorilla. It is GORJA RUX, a serial killer from Belmric whose brain was transplanted into this child. He will lie and say he is Prince Llolg, made immortal by the prison’s magic, and the reason for the dragon curse, if he is freed the curse will be broken. Charisma 20, Lie+10, Persuade+10, he can automatically make one lie a day. Also in the room is a BEAUTIFUL PINE MARTEN the size of a horse. It is a construct and attacks anyone who attempts to free GORJA RUX with bizarre ferocity. AC 16 2 attacks +10 d20/d20, if both attacks hit it gets a bite attack at +10 for d30. 
35 A teapot. Inside there is a shining light—if you look through you can see out the top of a corresponding teapot in the keep. The opening is the size of two fingers forming an OK sign.
36 Tons of Chains dangle from the ceiling. A tall room (100’) but no stairs. It is an easy climb but you have to swing to get to the doors. NORTHEAST DOOR: 15’. NORTHWEST DOOR: 80’. SOUTHWEST DOOR: 60’.
37 Inverted pyramid set in the ground. At bottom is REDACTED REDACTED
38 Bored guards eating food. In this room REDACTED.
39 A pool of rusty water is filled to the brim with chains. No other way through.
40 A big wooden wickerman with a prisoner trapped in the chest. BRANKLE UNCE. There are 18 big torches all over the room and a burning chandelier poised over the wickerman, as well as complicated stakes and tensed wires strung all over the room. If you pass through the room carefully (take 10 full minutes), make a DC 10 Dex check to avoid triggering the wires and causing all the fires to fall on the Wickerman. Any faster and its DC 20. 
41 The southern door is blocked by a supernaturally fat and gigantic guard. He’s as big as a bull and he’s just sitting there. There’s a huge stack of magical custards that are endlessly brought to him by messengers from the excellent chef in room 22. REDACTED. As long as he eats custards, he is immovable, and invincible to normal weapons. REDACTED.
42 Empty room. Feels really peaceful. REDACTED.
43 Feelings of intense dread. 8 St. Andrew’s crosses have prisoners tied to them, each is being licked by a skeletal dog with a long fleshy tongue. They are HP 12 AC 14 Bite +6 2d6+2, If they lick you (also +6 versus a dexterity check) a random limb goes numb and turns against you for d10 rounds. 
44 This room is unlocked and open. Sitting at the center of a painted mandala is BOLTON REX, level REDACTED thief. The mandala is 20’ wide, and time moves exponentially faster the closer you get to the center. Just at the edge of the mandala time moves twice as fast, if you go all the way to the center 1 day will pass for every round. To outside observers they appear to just be moving sloooower and sloooooooower. BOLTON REX, a beefy lad with a sad face, is completely still, but if you happen to go all the way to him you can have a good conversation. He is honest, tells you he tried to steal a jewel from Queen Ang’s crown but got caught, tells you the jewel is worth 10,000 gold (far more than the crown), also tells you that REDACTED. He is bound to sit in the mandala forever, but to him it’s only been three or four hours. 
45 Another piranesi room. This one is completely frozen over—even walking through this room forces a Con save DC 15 every 5 minutes or you take d20 damage. The chains are all made of ice. 



A A COLUMN OF ICE. Inside can barely be seen a massive monster the size of a truck and its vast eye is pressed close to the surface. There are two other free-floating eyes in there. This is the ICE-AGE EYE and its KHOLDSTARE FRIENDS. It cannot speak. While imprisoned it can’t do much except create an endless winter, although once/day it can manifest a CHAIN OF ICE around a target of any size—STRENGTH SAVE 20 or be PERMANENTLY RESTRAINED. The column can only be melted by REDACTED.

THE ICE AGE EYE: REDACTED
KHOLDSTARE: Two great eyes of all white. HP 100, AC 18, 2 attacks per round: ice lasers +10, 4d8 cold damage. It can slice and dice with these (if it uses a full round action it targets d6 adjacent targets), and it can leave patches of icy ground (difficult terrain). Fly 40’.
B ICE SCULPTURE. A REDACTED brain can be seen frozen at the center. REDACTED REDACTED.
C HEATED GUARDS TOWER. A burning stove constantly being stoked with coal. Guards surveying the room. KORMLETH WUNT, captain of the cold guards, wears a THICK FUR COAT, he wears a FASCINATING WATCH that resembles the GOLDEN COMPASS. it is able to predict a random encounter 10 minutes before it occurs. There is a small safe, inside is 3d100 gold, one balloon of whale lard, 16 candles, and a glass jar with a SALAMANDER named “BRICK” inside.
D This lamp creates a BLUE LIGHT. When within 25’ feet of this light, one feels cheerful and glee, despite the horrible cold. It is inexplicable, but the guards feed it whale lard every 8 hours. If the light goes out, everyone in the cold chamber will become DEPRESSED and IRASCIBLE.
E. At the top of the ICE COLUMN can be glimpsed a WONDERFUL ITEMS under the ice. It is a SMOKING JACKET—REDACTED.
F Exit to 38. Gotta climb up to this bridge.
G Exit to 37
H Exit to 47
I Exit to 50
J Deadend landing. slippery. stairs up to A.
K Exit to 46
46 Roaring furnace. Extremely muscular smithy. BRANCO FORTUNE. He is forging chains. He is a far better smith than anyone in the overworld and proud of it. He is not reaching his full potential, and he is ashamed! He would like to make the finest armors and weapons in the world. As it is, for 1000g he is able to UPGRADE a weapon: A) Deal a QUADRUPLE CRITICAL once a session B) Increase its damage die by 1 step C) Downgrade a armor or weapon type while maintaining normal stats
47 This room is a glacier. A looooooooong ice cliff fall. The ice is melting and makes a roaring waterfall. Halfway down, embedded in the ice behind the waterfall, is a coffin. Inside the coffin is HORTREX UMBERT, a vampire, who was eating prisoners until he got frozen in.
48 Oh my god. A giant wooden wheel, an amazing feast takes place on it. If there is a food, it exists. The walls are adorned with 12 incredible paintings of sexual women REDACTED REDACTED. On the wheel are 4d20 guards partaking in an amazing feast. The food was all prepared in the dark rooms by the chef ORACHAI KORDUL. Guardmaster PLOTRY MUNDLE keeps the key to room 49, he is never drunk and carries 3 poisons: 1 forces the drinker to honestly answer all questions asked for 8 hours DC 20, 2 simply causes the drinker to Save v Death DC 20, success means you take 40 damage, 3 causes paralytic sleep for 8 hours, success means you black out for 3d6 minutes, DC 20. He can deploy these poisons with Sleight of Hand +8.
49 This room is locked and trapped. Lock DC 20 is kept by PLOTRY MUNDLE. REDACTED. Inside is a luxuriously appointed one-bedroom studio staffed by 6 muscled guards with black leather gloves. Here is kept Dendric Vast’s mother, URWETH VAST, imprisoned by Dendric Vast for her repeated attempts to end his life. She loves him and wants him to die, because he is an abomination she gave birth to. Old, handsome, in lovely dresses, tressed of golden hair, heavily made-up. Here are some things she knows:
Dendric Vast’s greatest insecurity is that he died as a child (he drowned in a puddle but URWETH saved him) and never returned to life, and has been actually dead ever since
What hurts him the most: his prison is in chaos, and can’t effectively contain anything.
The people he cares about: his brother RICHARN VAST (an insurance bureaucrat in Solemn Cry), his sister VERONICA VAST (an cobbler in Belmric), his dead lover YOREVA MOLN, buried on a lonely hill to the west.
She wants a message brought to TALTRALTH YRBICORN: “AT NIGHT A LEOPARD CRIES AT THE PORT DOOR.” If Yrbicorn hears this he will begin to weep, say he understands, and dedicate himself to killing Dendric Vast. These were the words his daughter said before she was wrongly executed. 
She offers gifts! If she trusts the PCs, she will gift them food, a sculpture of an elephant worth 300gold, and a book containing a 3-person one-act play which is a ritual to cast the spell Teleport. The costumes and set design costs 1000gold and it must be witnessed by at least 25 people to worth. Takes 45 minutes and works automatically. The play is about the transfiguration of Saint Forpet, who was turned into the sky.

50 This room is bounded by curtains of woven iron. Each one weighs 500lbs, they take a Strength check DC 15 to move aside. Wrapped in cold iron filaments is a white elf ORLEN SINDWE, a diplomat from Velenheim sent to Solemn Cry to murder a human spy from Belmric who carried secrets from Velenheim. He was successful but the secret in question (the location of the Phylacteries of the Undying Kings), which was hidden inside a stuffed cat, was given to the child of another diplomat and is being carried to Belmric. Orlen Sindwe is desperate to stop it but cannot. In 1 minute the assassins from room 51 enter and try to kill him.
51 9 white elf vikings sent to kill Orlen Sindwe for failing in his mission. They are 20hp each, AC 15 (elven chainmail), have black eyes and jagged yellow teeth, attack with bone longswords +7 d8+3. 1 is a necromancer, fly into a fury when dealt damage (advantage with attacks and strength, 1/2 damage from weaponry, +4 damage on all hits). HP 14, Whenever his fellows die he can cast RAISE on them as a reaction: they come to life as a 10HP AC 11 STR 20 zombie which is immune to normal weapons. 2 incredibly strong claws +9 d20/d20 and grab. Other wizard spells deal 1dmg/level to him. WIZARD is named CORECH ULIEL, Special treasure: POWER ZOMBIE (3rd level) must be cast as a 8 hour ritual on the participant, and afterwards can be cast as a reaction to instantly raise someone who dies as this super-powerful zombie. 500gold
52 A lost guard RUNLEY VORD carries a message from the confessor for PALLID GROSS (60). He is trying to reach Malareth but became hopelessly lost. He will tell the PCs he is trying to reach the Dark-King Mornling Droc.. The message says: “Handsome Malareth, the next stage of his plan draws near. It will occur at the third changing of the guards. His control of the north will soon be total if nothing is done. Send someone to meet me inside Bolton Rex’s cell at the next change of the guards and I’ll tell you everything. DUND. PS: I heard him say the Lord of Change was smuggled in through a teapot. Could this help? PPS: The blood cakes were delicious. Your shipment of silver will arrive soon.” The message is hidden in his shoe.
53 d20+10 guards dancing. Their weaponry is put aside and they wear flowers. Two guards SIMON OLGRED and BURNARD HUEY are getting SECRETLY MARRIED. REDACTED REDACTED. There’s a normal guard at each door who asks identity and lies about how the room is closed because of flooding. You can hear music beyond. As soon as the PCs try to enter, the two guards will get married in 10 minutes, and then there will be a big dance party.
54 A prisoner wears a sign.
55 A prison knight. The room is streaked with gore. If anyone who is not a prison guard comes in here, the prison knight automatically attacks. REDACTED REDACTED.
56 THE INN. The proprietor is NORMROD ECKSTROM, who once worked in the prison but managed to start this inn and bar for the guards. Stairs to bedrooms upstairs. A rowdy group of 13 dwarves found their way up into the prison from REDACTED. Their group is called the CHANCE-MAKERS and they are traveling back to the Augur of the Sun. They have found a complicated stone puzzle box which contains REDACTED—if you hang out with them and drink enough they’ll bring it out and start talking about it, and if no one stops them they’ll start to try to open it. It takes three intelligence 20 checks to open (first layer is a complicated cube with runes promising secrets, second layer is a complicated pyramid covered in runes denoting travel, third layer is a complicated sphere covered in flames, and if successful REDACTED REDACTED.

57 An eerie room with an intense feeling of unreality. Hazy brown darkness. The stone here is much older than the other rooms. REDACTED. 

58 REDACTED
59 REDACTED
60 CONFESSOR’S ROOM. A big elaborate confessional booth. The confessor DUND is a prisoner inside. REDACTED. When someone tells him something he puts it in a bat. The ceiling is LINED with bats, the floor is covered in bat dung. REDACTED REDACTED.

TREASURE: REDACTED.
One-use 60’ hole in a potion. Lasts 10 rounds, then just elevators upwards and seals over. Leads to a smooth black place.


61 REDACTED
62 REDACTED

An elaborate black metal cage floats in the middle of the room. Pallid Gross is inside. He is a thin, wretched man with a long nose and crude face, he clutches the bars and whines, he is old. Also in this room is a big t-rex head that guards him—the head of SAINT LORGO, a dinosaur saint of urizen, who was fossilized and dug up and reanimated.

REDACTED

63 Low 6’ ceilings. Black marble mirrored floors and ceiling. Far below can be dimly seen a man wrapped in chains. This is REDACTED. There is a brass plaque in the floor in the middle of the room: “HERE IS GORGON WRECK. CRIMES: CANNIBALISM, INFANTICIDE.” On the underside of the plaque is a MAGICAL WORD: VITHEREDV. REDACTED

MIRROR with a SILVER CASE. When exposed to moonlight the glass disappears and allows you to walk through to the other side of the dungeon, except REDACTED.
64 Red flowers in 4 tall vases. Hidden in a secret compartment at the base of one vase is a bag with 3d100 gold, a potion of RECALL 1d4 SPELLS, and an ivory SEEKING ARROW (+10 attack). (hidden and forgotten). On the floor is a thick hardcover novel. “THE GROWN KING.” It’s about an unlikely king who was grown from a worm found in a child’s stomach and his adventures. The adventures become increasingly cruel and bloody and end with the king growing into a tumorous mass without personality or agency, but beloved by all. 
65 A truly escheresque room. A tangle of staircases, railings, landings, arches, that meet in the middle and run along all surfaces. It can be safely assumed that the floor, north wall, and east wall can be traversed more or less fully, and while the other surfaces don’t have flat surfaces to walk there are enough sideways landings and staircases that they can be climbed with some difficulty (DC 15). 

Guarding this room are 3 beast headed DEMONS OF CHANGE. Heads of beasts, bodies of hairy men, largely endowed, they are pierced, and they are the guardians of Pallid Gross’ chambers. If anyone enters, the demons ask “Who do you serve?” The correct answer is “Dead Urizen, Who Changes Me.” Wrong answer means the demons tell you to leave.

HD 10, HP 80, AC 15, 2 bites +9 2d8+4, Immune to Normal Weapons, Reflect Transmutation 50%, They each have different Bonus Powers 1/round: (Crocodile head) Two Targets In Sight Switch Place (No Save), (Swan head) Polymorph Non-Magical Object Into Similar Sized Thing (No Save), (Bat head) Target’s Gravity Alters 90 Degrees (No Save).

Spells (Each, 1/day): Livid Moonbeam (3d10 radiation damage, blisters appear), Weird Invisibility (Target is unable to see living creatures), Mutant Healing (Willing target regains 70 hit points and a random mutation), Alter Flesh (Unwilling and restrained target’s body is messed with, stretched, twisted, written in, etc, retains full functionality except as implied), Vomit Sleep (vomits a line of white slime that travels in a straight line for 60’, deals 8d6 damage and you sleep for 1 minute unless take damage or an action to shake awake, Dex save for half damage and no sleep)

Their strange possessions:

One has a strange charred ring, hot to the touch, with a keyhole in the top. One has a necklace with a twisted piece of metal, the other has a necklace with a corresponding twisted piece of metal. If fitted together it forms a small key that goes into the ring. Its hard to turn but when it does, REDACTED REDACTED.
REDACTED.

66 DARK CHAPEL. 



Stained glass shows a cacophony of flickering images that make no sense. REDACTED. 2d6 cultists of urizen are here in their weird robes and they’re chanting backwards different praises for the gods (its heresy). The guy at the front sort of looks like a person from a distance but up close can clearly be perceived to be made from a mottled slime that barely coheres, REDACTED REDACTED. He has one of the keys to the vault.

SECRETS HERE: there are obvious doors to the east and west. Behind the altar is a secret door to the nursery—you get there by twisting the vulture statue. You can hear BABIES CRYING from beyond the altar there. 

LITTLE EAST ALCOVES: Each of these has a SMALL METAL RELIQUARY, one shaped like a wolf and one shaped like a boar. In the wolf (left) in a glass amulet is REDACTED. In the right one is a shriveled eye of St. Gruilleath, who REDACTED. If the eye of St. Gruilleath is put in your eye-socket, you become able to see REDACTED fear REDACTED REDACTED. REDACTED.

THE PLANT IS SPIKY AND ALIVE: if you get close, it’ll extrude a bunch of serpent head flowers. 4 attacks +6 1d6+5 and poisoned for 10 minutes. It has 10hp, AC 9.

67. A huge blue vault door LOCKED with an extremely fancy lock. REDACTED.
68 Hmmmm. Something pretty safe. Just an empty vaulted room. A deep 60’ oubliette in the middle with a wine bottle open. The top is only 3’ wide but it widens to 5’. At the bottom are 13 skeletons, HP 5 AC 11 1 attack +3 1d6, and a dead skeleton with a bottle of wine and a key that fits into the next door its used on and a crumpled page: “the witch who brought me showed the mirror a pale shard that glowed like the moon and bade me walk through but she remained on the other side and put it away and i could not pass back and i tried to get the gold from the blue door but the blue man came out and put me here, pray for my soul
69 A nursery with a bunch of oversized balls which weight like 50 pounds each and stuffed ripped up toys and 4 CAMBIONS. They’re crying and 3 hot nurses in rubber outfits are feeding them ground prisoners and big oversized bottles of blood and REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED.

TREASURE: REDACTED

70 Okay here’s a giant stone altar piled with living mutant gore and tumors and chained to it are 8 screaming hot chicks being whipped and bled by prison guards and cultists and sometimes prisoners are brought in here and thrown onto the LUMP and absorbed into it and sometimes the cultists cut parts off the lump to feed to the cambions. 

REDACTED.

The OFFSPRING has a 30% chance of being here

An offspring of the lump is a flesh amoeba as large as a car, in a clear fluid filled bubble through milky fluid can be glimpsed a statue of a DWARF. OFFSPRING: HP 50, AC 19 (thick fat, bone crusts, vulnerable organs are deep inside, it is like carving off dead meat), Grasping hairs x3 range 15’ Grapple +14, after another failed grapple it can pull you inside, where you are restrained and take d20 damage per round; it can also spray digestive fluid in a line 80’ long for 8d6 damage (Dex 15 half) 3/day; PSYCHIC DWARF: HP 30 AC 23 Immune to piercing and slashing, 1/2 bludgeoning. PSYCHIC POWERS: MARTYR POWER - You must make eye-contact with a target within 10’. They will take 2x the damage or healing that you receive for 3d4 rounds (Will save).; AMNESIA: Everyone within 10’ forgets the last 1 minute and are stunned for 1 action (Will save); TELEKINESIS (as spell); Everyone in fifteen foot sphere is pushed away 5d4 feet, wall and ceiling crushed away in perfect sphere, you get a nosebleed. If someone is crushed against a wall or object they take 8d6 damage (Con save for half).  TREASURE: crushed and smashed inside the offspring is 400 + d100 gold, and a length of cold iron chain 20’ long, when bound to elves, fey, and goblins the chain causes tormenting pain and halves their strength score

the dwarf is ROUVU TARK, who meditated by a crystal skull for 1 year and 1 day, and awoke with psychic powers. aware of his mortality he turned himself to stone. a demon offered him protection and he accepted and worked in urizen’s army until they offered him the offspring. 

THE LUMP: REDACTED REDACTED.

71 REDACTED

72 On the ceiling is a huge stone satan face with a gaping black mouth. REDACTED.


Saturday, December 30, 2017

Half Dragons

I always start with the image. So, you're in a hallway, there's arched ceilings, there are torch sconces. The dust lies deep on the royal carpets, there's dust on the sconces, there's dust on the painted reliefs. They look like Final Fantasy concept art, the paintings, lemme find a pic.



Like this. It's the history of Orostranthy I suppose. The inside of Solemn Cry has a Final Fantasy flavor to it. Really high ceilings, polished marble, views of the city from high up. Guards in stone armor. Yellow light through open windows that look out on the cracked landscape of the wastes, in all directions a canyoned land, copses of poisoned trees, thin clouds blow in a whistling wind.



So you're in here. And what comes down the hallway at you--this is really as far as I've gotten--is the half-dragon. I have a few ideas for what it looks like but I'm imagining it's extremely traditional, like one of these:

      

Except it's cut clean in half, only half of it is coming at you. There's just a polished smooth surface on the flat side, hard as stone, and the live side is alive and reptilian.

I imagine it has half the stats of a full-grown dragon. So 1/2 the HP, 1/2 the attacks (except same damage and bonus), 1/2 the breath-weapon damage in half a cone, fuck maybe even 1/2 the AC. They only tell half-truths.

I bet the flat side is immune to magic and damage. Maybe it can fall over and crush you with it.

They are the children of Azhardhul The Black Drake, who was turned to stone by martyred Saint Coreme after oppressing the kingdom of Orostranthy for generations. The stone was quarried from his corpse and used to make a city at the mouth of the desert valley of Izorides. His genetic material remained in the stone and sprouted new dragons, and they were carved off and put to use as guards for princes and princesses. But the princes and princesses are dead now, and the dragons like all dragons collect treasure. They collect whole, undamaged treasure and virgins, and keep them and admire them for a while, and in fits of mania half them, and when they come to their senses, discard.

There are three or four, all different. I'm sure they tried to combine at one point but it didn't work out.

Friday, December 22, 2017

Places in the Goblin Wastes

Here are some places in the Goblin Wastes

Solemn Cry - the old capital of Orostranthy, fallen into decay over the past hundred or so years. A great palace rising over a metropolis, the palace is largely empty now, King Roderick gazes into a fragment of glacier brought back on an expedition to the Kraal, Queen Ang disappeared a year ago, half dragons and foreign harlequins crawl the halls of the palace, but the city continues its work. The palace alone could probably hold like five small dungeons, in addition to the weird city at its base. Go here for weird city adventures and scams and bite-sized dungeons, and to buy shit you can't get anywhere else.

The Black School, "Academy of Thaumaturgica Delirium" - a school of necromancy. I don't know much about this place to be honest, but I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to arrange a visit. A good place to buy or steal high level magic, and there's probably a modest but tricky dungeon inside with very good rewards.

The Shattered Labyrinths of Illith Varn - Deep within the Canyons of Misery and Despair is the place where the armies of Illith Varn were driven two generations ago, and the wizard pursued into its depths and beheaded, and the Skoros Orb, the source of his power, lost. Rumors say the Skoros Orb has been found, fog pours from the entrance to the labyrinths, and the floating fortress of the Sky Witch is anchored to the sky above. Many are gathering at the entrance to the canyons to conduct expeditions inside. This is a gigantic multi-level dungeon with a town at the entrance to rest and repair and get deep into NPC drama. Could probably last up to level 20.

The Augur of the Sun - a blue-walled keep kept by Threzdan Osc and the remnants of the dwarves which did not travel to Abazidun to serve the King of Diamonds. Dwarves have been seen throughout the Goblin Wastes searching for artifacts to bring to the Augur of the Sun, but Threzdan Osc receives no visitors. A friendly town if you can get inside, and they've been collecting magic items across the Goblin Wastes for an ~~unknown purpose~~ so these are here too.

The Red Lake -- its red depths are rumored to be the location of the Lunar Palace, where the Fairy Queen Marybelle fell to earth before time began, but dives have turned up nothing. A mystery???

The Corpse of Urizen and the Cathedral of Change -- here is where Urizen, Demon Lord of Change, was slain by the Fairy Queen Marybelle at the beginning of time. His corpse has blighted the landscape and reality here is twisted with the remnants of his will. The Cathedral of Change was constructed here millennia ago, its servitors search ceaselessly for the remnants of Urizen's soul and wait for the return of their carnifex, Pallid Gross. An extremely dangerous area and high level dungeon, there's probably some insane artifacts and bosses inside. Don't go here.

The Prison of Dendric Vast -- much discussed. A green-walled keep, within are hundreds of prisoners kept by a bureaucracy of prison wardens, and a prison block warped by the power of Urizen and crawling with demons and cultists. The prison dwells in endless night, a dragon of slime dwells its halls, and those who live here dissolve into rot and insanity. Dendric Vast has been assassinated, and the prison is now led by Witch Captain Ogremonde and the Judicar Taltralth Yrbicorn, while the imprisoned Medusa Malareth and Carnifex of the Church of Urizen vie for power. We've been here for about six months IRL, 10 days in-game.

The DeadBoys -- a renowned adventuring party, led by AXEN GREAT the thief, BLANK the wizard, and BLATHOUS HORZEN a paladin of Fnorn, Lord of Winter. They have all died and been brought back through loathsome means to further their power. They are rumored to possess a hungering bow, an arrow of death, a blade which can see in the dark, a spell which can erase reality itself, and a fragment of the body of Imix, Prince of Fire. They and their dozens of followers are responsible for innumerable crimes, and it is widely understood that they'll demolish any village that won't accomodate them, Blood Meridian style. Currently traveling to Rappan Athuk the Dungeon of Graves to plunder the tomb of Orcus. I prepped these motherfuckers as a potential rival party, they're still out there and they have some good shit in their inventory.


Thursday, September 21, 2017

Here's a bunch of spells with names a computer wrote

I found a tumblr post that has a bunch of spell names a computer wrote. The spells are nonsense words the writer dismisses, and after a few iterations the computer starts writing more normal 4e sounding spells. I like the originals better. I will turn them into spells.

(OP here http://lewisandquark.tumblr.com/post/165373096197/a-neural-network-learns-to-create-better-dd)

WOME ON FRR

5th Level
Casting time: 10 minutes
Duration: 24 hours
Area: A circle 300' wide extending to the sky
Requirement: The caster must be able to see the sky

A cursed and stony hill, where generations brought their children to be sacrificed in the name of the beast or spirit said to live beneath it. The stones on the hill are stained with the blood of children, a pebble is dark or black, there are dark stains on the boulders, there are charred spots too. Dig and there are bones. The people who did this were killed in crusade but alone parents will still come time to time and get the blessing of the god who lives under Wome on Frr. You may go there if you desire. But this spell conjures only the sky over Wome on Frr.

First the air becomes dry. All clouds depart, rain and storms cease, fogs are burned away, though not magical fogs. If daytime, the temperature is too warm, if night, the temperature is too cold. The sky looks dusty and the haze is thick up there. Flying animals will desire to quickly leave or take shelter close to the ground, other animals will also seek to not see the sky. Metal will rust and weaken within 8 hours. Small biting flies will appear, soon they will be everywhere. Wounds bleed freely if exposed to the air, each time a person is wounded they must save against Constitution or take 1d4 Constitution damage, all Medicine checks are performed with disadvantage, and magical healing has a 50% chance of failing. If murder is done, the murderer will become immune to Fear for 8 hours. Flies will enter fresh corpses through their nostril or mouth, it is said this is one way the beast takes the soul, those killed here cannot be recovered.

A Speak with Dead spell or anything similar will cause the caster to be overwhelmed by the children, they are stunned for 1 minute.

ESER WOLD

2nd Level
Duration: Permanent or until dispelled
Casting time: 1 minute
Target: A willing creature touched

This spell causes the next object touched to the person to be able to slide in freely and socket there, and when the object is removed the mold will remain in their flesh without damaging them. In this way can be made secret pockets and other hollow spaces. Too much of the Eser Wold will cause a person's frame to weaken, it is possible to sever a person if care is not kept.

SEREISK

2nd Level
Casting time: One action
Duration: 1 minute
Range: 100'

This spell will command a hostile object. Any object which is being wielded to cause harm to the caster, or which has the potential to do so, may be targeted thus. It is allowed a Charisma save with the bonus of anyone wielding it, if no one wields it roll 3d6 for the object's Charisma. If it fails, it is under the thrall of the caster, and will not harm the caster--weapons will miss, spells will not function, traps will not discharge, and so on. Once per round the caster may issue a one-sentence command and the object will comply to the best of its ability until the spell is complete.

LELENT WARDER

4th Level
Duration: 8 hours
Area: Up to a 50 foot cube

The lelent warder appears as if lit by moonlight. It generally takes the form of falling dust, though sometimes it will be a cat that stalks the area, and sometimes will be a young boy who watches carefully. The spell is simple and cruel, a living creature that enters the area is mangled by the force of the lelent warder. They must make a Dexterity save or suffer 8d8 damage from crushing and twisting, on success they escape with half damage but on failure they remain caught in the grip of the lelent warder, as if grappled, and must escape or save again on the following round. The lelent warder grapples with a bonus of 15. Only one creature at a time will be in the grasp of the lelent warder. After killing, it is sated, and will be peaceable for the rest of its duration.

CLEATER SEEFEN

4th Level
Saving throw: Intelligence
Target: 1d6 sentient creatures within 30'
Duration: Permanent

The cleater seefen is an insolveable riddle, it is a labyrinth with no exit or center, it is one of the powerful curses. When uttered, those who hear it are bound to attempt to solve it. Those who succeed on the saving throw will be able to communicate this, no one they meet can be affected by the cleater seefen. While those who fail are driven to conspiracy, they seek only to solve it, their days are spent in obsession. Every week they lose 1d4 Wisdom points. The first week it is only a hobby, they try to keep it secret, they devote only a few hours per day to the riddle. Within a month it becomes clear to any onlookers that something is wrong, they spend all their waking hours devoted to the cleater seefen. When their Wisdom is reduced to 0 they die. If someone finds and reads their scribbles, they must save against the cleater seefen as well. Beware this spell!

SPIRITUL PLAGE

4th Level
Range: 30 feet
Duration: 1d8 days
Saving throw: Wisdom

What they called the "Spiritul Plage" appears to be the ghost of a beetle or insect which appears crawling on the target. It is large, sometimes as large as a cat, and bears a strange weight, but objects pass through it. Belief in the gods will wane, the bearer of the beetle must make an additional Wisdom save or become atheist. Furthermore any divine spells cast within 15' of the beetle will not function. The bearer may make an additional Wisdom save each 24 hours to cure the plage, on failure there will be another ghost beetle. If five or more ghost beetles accrue they will begin to eat, each morning the target takes d20 damage per ghost beetle. This is abrupt and gory. Otherwise it may be removed by Remove Curse, Dispel Magic, or any spells which affect incorporeal beasts. It is not undead.

ARAWEN

4th Level
Time to cast: Bonus action
Range: Within hearing

This is a word of strengthening. Any inanimate object spoken to thus will be emboldened. It cannot be broken, and will be immune to charm or fear, though the object will forget quickly. The spell lasts only 1d4 rounds.

SPEAK WITH ALANC

4th Level
Time to cast: 10 minutes
Duration: Until the alanc is done, or half an hour

This spell must be cast on or adjacent to a body of water. As small as a pond or as large as the ocean. No basins or bowls, the alanc won't come. Within 1d6 turns the alanc comes from the other waters, or perhaps its shadow. It is so large the entire body of water is obscured, all that can be seen is the alanc, and its eye. It speaks with the language of fish. It knows the movement and location of all fish, it knows of things lost in water, it knows deep currents, it is befriended of the king of the blue elves, it also knows what happens in the sky above water, but only as if from a distance. It will answer one question. If preferred it will swallow something, it won't give it back. The alanc won't come more than once a week, if cast again within a week a gift is required, make a Charisma check DC 20, gold will lower the DC by 1 per 100gold worth.

PLONTING CLOUD

3rd Level
Saving throw: Constitution
Duration: 1 hour, by Concentration

The plonting cloud emerges from a mirror, it is green as brass, it makes coils and tendrils, it is low to the ground and crouches, they say that it fears the sky and desires to dance. And it is slow, it creeps only 10 feet per round. A creature ensnared by the plonting cloud will stay with it as if the cloud were their shadow, and follow it where it goes. Furthermore they will not remember anything that occurs while they are within the plonting cloud. Otherwise they will act according to their normal nature.. There are drawbacks. The plonting cloud will not move under the sky. It will not enter a room where there is a goat or other hooved creature and it will obey hooved demons. Otherwise, the plonting cloud will understand and follow specific instructions to the best of its ability. It has the attitude of a particularly intelligent cat and it fills an area 20 feet wide.

AURARS

8th Level

Six aurars come. They are clad in silver cloths that hang from their heads and cover their whole bodies. A singing is around them but it is not them that are singing. It is like the ringing of bells. The aurars are capable of opening closed things, each aurar will open a way that is closed. Something as small as a lock or as large as a canyon blocked. It can be done in an eyeblink, and then the aurar leaves. If it is an allegorical way that needs to be opened (such as a secret found or a person compelled to speak) the caster must convince the aurar, a Charisma check DC 20 is baseline, at failure the aurar simply leaves. The aurars will remain until their duty is done, but beg for scraps of food, it is important that the food already be partially eaten, they will take it up under their cloths and suck. If the cloths are attempted to be removed they will be angry and no longer come until apology is made. In combat they are weak, if an aurar is slain, they will come no longer. There are only six.

ENSTALICE

4th Level
Duration: 1 minute
Range: 30'

This conjures a skein of silvery and delicate thread which appears as a net or tangle in the hands of the caster, though it does not tangle them. It may be thrown once at a target as a spell attack, if it hits the target is restrained for the duration of the spell. The net then tightens, it slices through armor, dealing 4d10 damage per round this way. The target may make a Strength or Dexterity saving throw each round to escape the enstalice.

STIGE DLING

3rd Level
Duration: 1 minute
Range: Touch
Component: Any dagger

This will turn a dagger into the Stige Dling, the cruel knife of Yek the Sorcerer. Dull green and blue, larger than others, it can see in the dark, the caster does not need to see his target. It deals d20 damage, attacks as a magic weapon, and makes a critical hit on a 17, 18, 19, or 20. However if it leaves the caster's grasp it will turn to dust, and when the spell finishes it melts into slag.

COMENTHON OF PROST

3rd Level
Duration: 1 round
Range: 100'
Saving Throw: None

Pope Furno uttered the Comenthon of Prost in the Yelling Square to a crowd of 5000, but the Comenthon was taken and no one heard it. This spell causes his command to discharge. The caster  speaks a lengthy religious treatise at length in the voice of Pope Furno, but in the space of one round. Clerics, priests, paladins, and divine spellcasters that hear it stop what they are doing to listen, any action they are taking that round is interrupted. Under normal circumstances they will then treat the caster as a Cha 20 cleric of level equal to the spellcaster's level, under hostile circumstances they will fear and loathe the caster above all others. As a side effect to the spell, 4d6 monkeys will gather within the day and inhabit the area until they grow bored.

MONSEN

1st Level
Duration: Permanent until used
Target: One creature touched

A small blessing. The target must declare that they would like to use the monsen, and whatever is done next, 20 friendly mice will appear and assist. They act as well as their can according to their abilities, they will gladly die for the monsen. They stay for an hour or until the declared act is done.

SCINK

1st Level

Conjures a scink somewhere within 30'. It will try to run away, but if caught and immediately eaten, the eater will heal 10 hit points and recover a lost spell slot, level 1.

WARRIFG

3rd Level
Duration: 1 hour
Range: 100'
Target: One creature
Saving throw: Wisdom

Causes the target to be able to move only closer to the closest corner of whatever room it is in. Any movement it decides to take must bring it closer to the corner. When it reaches the corner it may make another Wisdom saving throw, and if it fails it may not depart until the spell is complete.

RESSER RESTRACTIGN

4th Level

This is a failed spell. If you cast it, roll on the list of mishaps below.

1.Head and hands fall off, still function
2.Massive wound, take 8d6 damage immediately
3.Magical EMP, all magical effects within 100' are dispelled, items don't work for 1d6 minutes
4.You throw up
5.Summon random monster, it is hostile to you
6.Fly up 60' per round, spell fails after 1d6 rounds

With 1000 gold and plenty of time and space for research, the spell can be retooled. After a month of experimentation, roll on the table below to see what it ends up as.

1. Gatling Laser: 10d6 damage in a 60' cone, save for half damage, if 40 or more damage a random limb is severed
2. Waves of Pleasure: Intense full body orgasm in a 60' cone, incapacitated for 1d6 rounds, no save
3. Spell Vacuum: Sucks up and stores a target spell within 60', which can then be recast elsewhere within 1 minute. Can be cast as a reaction.
4. Gravity Slide: Causes target's gravity to switch 90 degrees for 1 hour.
5. Summon random monster ally of level = caster level.
6. Summon Full Moon: A full moon appears in the sky for 8 hours.

It will work only once before failing again.

CLOUD

4th Level
Saving Throw: None
Area: A circle 60' wide
Range: 120'

What they call the cloud appears as a general malaise. All within the vicinity simply lose 1 point of their Wisdom, Charisma, and Intelligence scores. Those affected are unable to muster joy or humor for the duration, though they will not notice this.

SREEAT

4th Level
Range: Extends from the caster's hand up to 400'
Casting time: 1 round per 10' created
Duration: 10 minutes

Sreeat creates a strong, straight bar up to 400' long but less than an inch wide. It is always circular in thickness and made of dark metal. One at a time creatures may walk on it, that person who walks upon it will be unable to fall off, no matter the strength of wind or compulsion forced upon them, or how absurd the acrobatics. If they attempt to jump they will be unable. But if another steps upon the bar, it will buck, and all will be thrown off.

GLASP

4th Level
Range: 120'
Duration: 8 hours, or until commanded, after which the cloud will last for 10 rounds
Saving Throw: Constitution

There is an exhale of crackling smoke on the ground and when it clears there is a silver orb, slightly fattened, like a fat pancake. This is the glasp. It is toxic, if touched, even through gloves or metal, it deals 4d6 poison damage per round. The glasp is said to despise elves and gnomes, any elf or gnome within 60' of the glasp will suffer 1d6 Strength and Constitution damage one time. A saving throw is allowed. As an action the caster is able to utter a command which causes the glasp to expire, when this is done it cracks and a yellow metal oozes out. It will create a stinking yellow cloud that expands outward at a rate of 10' per round until it is 100' wide and 100' high, it is opaque and cannot be breathed, those within it must hold their breath, if they inhale they are poisoned for 3d6 Strength and Constitution damage (Saving throw for half). Those who survive this say they have heard the glasp's cruel laughter, like an unkind child.

BLENSS

4th Level

The blenss is a small savory pastry. It is delicious to eat, though at the center sleeps a winged insect, similar to a cicada or locust. If freed from the blenss, the insect will unerringly follow a path deeper into the ground, until it can go no further, whereupon it will lay eggs and die. Typically, these eggs will shortly fade away, as they exist partly in another realm, perhaps the realm of shadow, but if they remain and hatch the maggots may be used to replace any organic spell component. Regardless, if the insect inside the blenss is eaten, thr eater will recall a fond memory belonging to their most hated enemy. This strange spell creates d4 blenss.

BLINE ONS

5th Level
Duration: 1 year

This spell conjures slime from the Bline Ons, an evil swamp. The slime can be thrown up to 60', where it lands will grow mosses, algae, and slime molds, at a rate of 10' per day, until it fills an area up to one kilometer wide. The air is humid, fog hangs in the air, at night there are shrieking bats, during the day there are invisible cats. Demons within the Bline Ons will be comforted and will seek to remain and will always speak the truth. Curses cast within the Bline Ons will have their duration doubled. Saving throws against enchantments will be made at disadvantage. After one year exactly all within are transported back to the true Bline Ons.

DOOD TO STONE

6th Level
Duration: Permanent
Range: Touch
Saving Throw: None, although if the object is magical or sentient it may be granted a Charisma saving throw

This spell must be cast upon an object made of stone, whereupon it seeks to return to the place it was taken from the earth. It will move along the ground at speed 30', with a Strength score of 16 +2 per size category over tiny (small, medium, large, huge, gargantuan, colossal, as usual). When it reaches the place it will be at peace again.


Sunday, September 17, 2017

Here's the random encounter table for this dungeon

Basically roll on this every 10 minutes they're in the prison and every time they make some especially loud noise or just dawdle for a really long time. When they overcome an encounter, cross it off and write a new one. That's what the lettered encounters are.

1. the slime dragon HP ?? AC ?? Attacks ?? Special Attack SLIME BREATH, damage unknown Damage reduction ?? Movement 5' Special Movement: extend a slime pseudopod up to 60' and whip its entire body that length in an instant
2. d20 drunk prison guards. they jokingly arrest and imprison the players, haha!
2a. same prison guards, now sober. They are escorting a new prisoner, he is a blue-skinned meditating man floating in a pink crystal orb. The guards are very nervous and cranky and want to get to the inn. When they see the PCs they go, “Hey! Take this fellow to the cages in the big room. We’ve got work to do.” They are bristling with steel, and among them is MID SERGEANT ROBER LORB, who out-ranks the PCs by one (he has a badge to show it). If they don’t follow his orders he’ll report them to TALTRATH YRBICORN, who will write them up for insubordination. THE PRISONER: is COSEY NIO. As soon as he is alone he escapes his cell and gets added to the encounter list here, where he immediately flees anyone who sees him.
2b Cosey Nio. HP 30 AC ?? Speed 40, can blink 40' as a reaction when hit Attacks ?? Spells encountered: EXCEPTIONAL KNIFE: a giant glowing blue force-knife whirls around him for 10 rounds. Anyone within 10’ or who starts their turn there takes 4d6 force damage (DEX save 20 for half) and is pushed out of the area. If concentration is broken, the knife goes shooting off in a random direction, damaging everyone in its path, and shatters at the end in a 20’ radius explosion.
3. d4+1 prison knights. HP ?? AC Plate mail and shield attacks: Halberd, Longbow, shackles, nets, torches, ?? movement 30 They mistake the players for an escaped prisoner and arrest them.
3a. ??
4.  an escaped prisoner is sneaking! stalking him is a ghoul, who will catch and eat him in d6 turns. Ghoul: HP 12 AC 12 Bite+5 1d6+1 and Con save DC 15 or ?? Movement 30 Special movement ??
4a. ??
5. ??
6. ??
7. ??
8. ??
9. d20+8 HUNGRY AND CUNNING DOGS. As level 3 thieves. HP 12, AC 13, Bite +5 1d4+1 and sneak attack 2d6. Thieves skills: ?? Movement 30
9a. ??
9b. ??
9c. DOGS LEAD SOMETHING HORRIBLE YOUR WAY: barking and yipping, the room floods with dogs that run away as fast as possible, hot on their tail is: 1. the dragon 2. ?? 3. ?? 4. ??
9d. ??
9e. ??
9f. THE DOGS HATE YOU: at the next NPC encounter, there are a few of these dogs there hanging out with the locals. when the PCs engage, the dogs make threatening noises, and the NPCs immediately begin to hate and distrust the PCs. All charisma checks made at -5.
10. Lantern out of oil! It goes out.
10a. ??
11. Hungry! Eat or become fatigued
12. ??
13. Next room is a blessed or ??? room
14. Nothing
15. Nothing
16. Nothing
17. Nothing
18. The witch HOPE (a wretched crone) is searching for a demon head. She will answer one question in exchange for a taste of blood and a fond memory. HP ?? AC ?? Movement ?? Attacks ?? Spells ??
18a. ??
19. d4+1 dark-knights. they carry anti-torches that prevent normal light from functioning. HD 5 Fighters AC 18 2 Attacks +6 1d8+2/1d8+2 Movement 30
19a. d4+1 dead dark-knights. their anti-torches are nearby.
20. a LORD OF CHANGE  in the shape of a rotting, feathered man with a vulture’s head and a rotting wood staff accompanied by ??d?? cultists of urizen. DEMON: HP ?? AC ?? Special Defenses ?? Attacks ?? Special Attacks ?? Movement ?? Special: 1/round at random: 1. Room is now underwater 2. ?? 3. ?? 4. Polymorph into ?? or Elderly 5. ?? 6. ?? 7. ?? 8. ??

When under the influence of HORSEHEAD, 50% chance any of these encounters is replaced by d20 glowing radioactive skeletons. HP 5 AC 11 Attack: Claw +5 1d4+1, also 1d6 damage per round to all within 15’, if a player takes 6 damage at once this way they gain a random mutation.

Good luck!

Friday, August 25, 2017

Here's how I do it

steal a hexmap somewhere online, google "hexmap" until I find one I like
get Zak to send me giant hexlists years ago so I don't have to do all the work myself and copy paste them in over half a decade or so
spend a long time in 2013 using Logan Knight's random generator factory at http://www.lastgaspgrimoire.com/generators/the-seventh-order-of-the-random-generator/ to make a hex generators 
forget that I did that and just write a bunch whole-cloth around where my players are
then use cedric howe's hexkit program to completely remake my hexmap, and then accidentally save over it, and facepalm in the middle of a game when I try to open it up and realize what I did, and just go back to using the random janky online one I started using in the first place
when they say "let's go to X place where there's a dungeon" I go "time to write a dungeon"
go to http://donjon.bin.sh/fantasy/dungeon/ and mess around til it makes a dungeon map I like
google castle maps until I learn that dyson logos himself made a useful numbered keep on the borderlands map
find an online copy of keep on the borderlands and re-write everything to make it weird
literally everything actually
give every NPC a blurb or two to say when PCs interact with them.
for instance: "smithy and armorer DARKBAN OPEN, a skinny guy with upset stomach . . . 'THIS TORTURE EQUIPMENT IS DEPRESSING THAT I NEVER KNOW WHAT ITS BEEN USED ON.' " or "Provisioner. BLAD OKLEBY. . . . 'I WISH I HAD A WAY TO SEE THE SUN IN HERE' " 
this is so if I'm too drunk or at a loss there's something I can blurt out
I don't know where I get the names
let's see what else
I try to put treasure and secrets everywhere, sometimes nested. so there's secrets hidden inside secrets. and I make it so some NPCs want something specific and concrete and some want something abstract and some want something random ("I LOST MY LUCKY DICE IN THE SKULL CRATER EAST OF HERE WHILE I WAS ON MY EXERCISES.”) and some want something that can't be fulfilled and some want something that can be easily fulfilled. so there's plenty of variation. and I try to make it so nothing found is purely helpful, there's almost always some kind of catch. and I try to make it so no one is purely good or sane. and I try to make it so there are multiple ways in to everywhere, but there is no no-cost path. every path has some kind of cost--it's about choosing which one, and finding the most fortuitous way at the moment, which takes luck.
like for instance this prison is layered. there's a part of the prison that's more or less public, it has an inn and a smithy and a tattoo shop and a wizard and a cleric and stuff like that. and then there's a more private part where the warden and guards live, you have to get special clearance to get inside that. and then inside that part is the actual dungeon, with its own layers. there are multiple paths into all of these layers, but the most obvious path is in this case heavily guarded. my players opted to become prison guards (their idea) and went through an application and interview process. but there are other ways in.
anyway then I have a like 80 room dungeon and I just go into a fugue state and write it
here are some techniques I use:
go to a coffee shop and get really caffeinated and handwrite rooms
when that fails I write directly on the map
or I open up a jpeg of the map and write stuff on it
for this one I had been excited about Zelda and decided to put zelda type stuff like a BIG CHEST and BOSSES and a BIG KEY and stuff like that, so that got written directly on the map and the ideas are folded in
and I know who the leaders of the multiple factions are, so I think about the implications of their factions and write that down and use it as a guide
then I make a random encounter list that has some really deadly possibilities and a couple bosses and and a few nothing entries and also some really weird stuff they haven't encountered yet
and then.... I just write it down in the text file
and do the "one more thing" technique when the going gets tough
and also do the "anything can be inspiration" technique when the going gets tough
and the "actual research provides insane ideas you would never think of" technique also when the going gets tough 
(i would never have come up with the idea that the hand of glory candle can only be put out by milk)
and I hand-draw diagrams of complicated rooms, of course, but generally try to keep it to "one thing per room" since this is an online game and it's pretty hard to do complex rooms online
but google piranesi pictures because this is a gigantic labyrinthine fantasy prison and it would be just be a big fat missed opportunity if I didn't have insanely complicated and beautiful etchings to show my friends with stuff all over it they can point to it and go "what's that" and I can say "oh that's an ice sculpture with a brain at the middle of it"
and put secret treasure and magic items and gold and spells and secret doors and magic doors and weird NPCs and friendly NPCs and friendly places and totally hostile places and traps and mysterious stuff with hidden explanations, so that it feels really textured
the idea is to make it varied and textured. you want it so you never really know what's going to be in the next room, but it also sort of makes sense, and so that stuff that is similar is similar in a way that echoes pleasurably. like how the violence in twin peaks is never the same each time, but always reminds you of itself... or not
and it needs to feel unfathomably old, and like no one else really knows what's in there, or really cares, except maybe for the witches. witches always care about stuff like that.
and then i just steal ideas whole cloth from zak and jeff rients and patrick and scrap because, i mean, they're great ideas
and then I just do that over and over again between sessions until it's just insanely complex
honestly I think I'm too easy on my players. I could stand to put more treasure in there though, I'm pretty stingy still after all these years.
also the ways I make dungeons and adventures changes each time. I don't know what I'm gonna do for the next one. this is just how I did this one.