So they rolled the Black Egg of the Unmonkey all the way from Velenheim, Fallen Kingdom of the White Elves, to Olomoc, City of Plazas. Moving at a third their normal walking speed for nearly two weeks, they avoided every single andom encounter, except for running into two traveling merchants at the gates of Olomoc. One had six faces and sold them a pill that grew Sad Ed two new faces, and one had a cage of song birds and a monkey which could play guitar. They killed the merchants and then they killed the white elf necromancers who ambushed them during the murder. They took the monkey and named it Monkey B. Goode.
In Olomoc they treated with Lord Inferno Di'Armand.
They're in a big room in the Palace Magnificent. Lord Inferno is sitting on the throne eating shepherd's pie, everyone is eating meat pies, there's a big fire going, and it's snowing outside. Last time they were in Olomoc they saved the city from a plague of insanity and rescued him from an insane asylum where he was wrongfully imprisoned by a vampire masquerading as a psychotherapist.
I have not prepared for this game tonight. We haven't played in a few weeks. Everything has been dire and ambiguous and aimless since the fall of the Seat of Worms.
"So, my liege, what has befallen the city since last we met?"
Shit, okay, oh, there's a table for that.
"Due to the influence of War, one of the Seven Malicious Stars, we are required to taxidermy all dead, and place their bodies in their former residence, and anyone convicted of murder or manslaughter is required to provide for the materials for the taxidermy of their victim."
The guys say, "Weird. Hey do you have a new wizard, since the last one was eaten alive? By the way, we killed the person responsible."
"Why yes I do! And his name is. . ." Uhhhh, wait, oh hey, roll 1d100 . . .
I narrate: "Yes, okay, so there's a skinny guy at the table, and he looks like he's very pale and thin and really handsome but maybe about 17, and he's wearing purple robes, and he's eating a small fish, and his name is Kanchanaburi de Tenebres, and he hails from Loth Armanea, one of the Cobalt Isles."
They flip. "Haahah Kancha hahaha what???" They laugh for five or six minutes. We recover. "Okay what else, is there anything we can do for you, my liege?"
"Why yes, for in the past months of your absence, the goblin city of Havith Orr has been creeping closer to Olomoc, and the goblins have been entering the city in disguise, spoiling milk in the udder, rusting blades, forcing married couples into adultery . . . "
"Hahaha ha hahah hahaha haha goblins dressed up as people are making guys sleep around?"
"Yes this is a very serious matter and I'd like you to speak with the goblin king."
Then they go carousing, have a bar brawl with a group of thugs, and burn down the entire Beast's District. Jaime von Klaw, a sworn atheist, accidentally calls upon the aid of Scorn, God of Sex, Wine, and Hatred, and is caught in a geas. I remember that Saint Coreme, the Flayed Lady who during her crucifixion at the hands of the followers of the Blake Drake Azhardhul prayed to her own Holy Name and caused Azhardhul to be turned to stone (from which stone were built Olomoc and the Shrine of Saint Coreme, located at the entrance of the Sacred Desert Valley of Izorides), promised to grant the players healing from all their illnesses and curses as well as a weapon of great power if they visit her shrine, and I tell them this, and they decide to go there on the way to Havith Orr.
And suddenly we have a game again.