Logan made something phenomenal

I'm testing out something one of my good, foreign, Australian blog-colleagues made.  It's an incredible accomplishment.  It lets you create a table using a widget on his website, and then the widget automates the table, and then it creates a permanent catalogue of the automated table widget on his webpage, and then you can place the automated table widget on your own webpage.  I turned several of my most used tables into automated table widgets and it took me only a minute or two.

FOR INSTANCE

100 Animals

100 Potions

Random Rooms That Don't Suck

and

The Black Jungles of Abazidun

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE THAT A PERSON COULD CREATE WITH THIS AMAZING WEBPAGE!

If you have a lot of random tables, you should automate all of them using Logan's website!  Please do that and contribute to the greater good of the entire world! Thank you!

Further Adventures in Olomoc

So they rolled the Black Egg of the Unmonkey all the way from Velenheim, Fallen Kingdom of the White Elves, to Olomoc, City of Plazas.  Moving at a third their normal walking speed for nearly two weeks, they avoided every single andom encounter, except for running into two traveling merchants at the gates of Olomoc.  One had six faces and sold them a pill that grew Sad Ed two new faces, and one had a cage of song birds and a monkey which could play guitar.  They killed the merchants and then they killed the white elf necromancers who ambushed them during the murder.  They took the monkey and named it Monkey B. Goode.

In Olomoc they treated with Lord Inferno Di'Armand.

They're in a big room in the Palace Magnificent. Lord Inferno is sitting on the throne eating shepherd's pie, everyone is eating meat pies, there's a big fire going, and it's snowing outside.  Last time they were in Olomoc they saved the city from a plague of insanity and rescued him from an insane asylum where he was wrongfully imprisoned by a vampire masquerading as a psychotherapist.

I have not prepared for this game tonight.  We haven't played in a few weeks.  Everything has been dire and ambiguous and aimless since the fall of the Seat of Worms.

"So, my liege, what has befallen the city since last we met?"

Shit, okay, oh, there's a table for that.

"Due to the influence of War, one of the Seven Malicious Stars, we are required to taxidermy all dead, and place their bodies in their former residence, and anyone convicted of murder or manslaughter is required to provide for the materials for the taxidermy of their victim."

The guys say, "Weird.  Hey do you have a new wizard, since the last one was eaten alive?  By the way, we killed the person responsible."

"Why yes I do!  And his name is. . ."  Uhhhh, wait, oh hey, roll 1d100 . . .

I narrate: "Yes, okay, so there's a skinny guy at the table, and he looks like he's very pale and thin and really handsome but maybe about 17, and he's wearing purple robes, and he's eating a small fish, and his name is Kanchanaburi de Tenebres, and he hails from Loth Armanea, one of the Cobalt Isles."

They flip.  "Haahah Kancha hahaha what???"  They laugh for five or six minutes.  We recover.  "Okay what else, is there anything we can do for you, my liege?"

"Why yes, for in the past months of your absence, the goblin city of Havith Orr has been creeping closer to Olomoc, and the goblins have been entering the city in disguise, spoiling milk in the udder, rusting blades, forcing married couples into adultery . . . "

"Hahaha ha hahah hahaha haha goblins dressed up as people are making guys sleep around?"

"Yes this is a very serious matter and I'd like you to speak with the goblin king."

"Done."

Then they go carousing, have a bar brawl with a group of thugs, and burn down the entire Beast's District.  Jaime von Klaw, a sworn atheist, accidentally calls upon the aid of Scorn, God of Sex, Wine, and Hatred, and is caught in a geas.  I remember that Saint Coreme, the Flayed Lady who during her crucifixion at the hands of the followers of the Blake Drake Azhardhul prayed to her own Holy Name and caused Azhardhul to be turned to stone (from which stone were built Olomoc and the Shrine of Saint Coreme, located at the entrance of the Sacred Desert Valley of Izorides), promised to grant the players healing from all their illnesses and curses as well as a weapon of great power if they visit her shrine, and I tell them this, and they decide to go there on the way to Havith Orr.

And suddenly we have a game again.

Rooms from the Tower of Violets

Sumptuous, dusty vestibule.  On a small circular table is a vase filled with living violets.

Doors here are all stained glass, and can be broken.  Southern one depicts a nude woman, south-west one depicts the virgin sorceress, north-west one depicts a woman in a violet dress.  In a corked glass bottle on a table is a key to the northern door.  Bottle is filled with a swirling green mist.  Opening the bottle releases the mist, which fills a room and lingers permanently.  Entering the mist causes hallucinations of hands, skulls, flowers, and skeletons, and deals 1d6 Wisdom damage.  Will DC 15 to resist.  

Hallway with windows looking down onto the castle.  Painted on floor in red paint is BEWARE THE SIN TUTOR!  The west door is hung with crow-heads and has a small window, and is fortified from inside, but a 4^th level fighter or barbarian force it with a simple Strength check.  Painted on the north door in red paint is STAIRS UP THIS WAY.

This room is freezing cold.  Here is an ice-sculpture of a crane, the size of a dog.  Clerics will recognize this as one of the 1000 gods of wind.  Within the crane is embedded an egg.  Touching the crane with bare hands causes player to freeze to the crane, and anyone else who touched the player will freeze to them.  The crane extinguishes normal flames.  Can be melted with magical flame.  The egg is freezing cold to the touch, and deals 1d4 damage per round to bare flesh.  If it is broken, a swirling mist pours out in a 20 foot radius, causing all within to be frozen solid if they fail a save.

A school room.  Rows of chairs.  At the back of the room a chalkboard covered in terrible runes which cause nausea and unease.  Until they are erased, all saving throws are made at -2.  Windows look out onto the woods.  In the center of the room hovers a reflective red block about three feet cubed.  When a magic-user comes close, they must make a Will DC 18 check or lose a random spell into the block, which becomes inscribed with the spell.  It can be pushed through the air with a Strength check at minus five, moving it ten feet per round.  A secret door to the north, which when found begins to bleed, and causes terrible dread.  

A room that is painted completely white.  Door to north is painted over and must be cut open.  Door from area 28 must be forced.  Sleeping in this room causes nightmares of wandering in white – no benefits from sleeping are gained.

When the door to this room is opened, a deep fog sweeps out and fills the castle to the extent of any closed doors.  Visibility is reduced to five feet.  The room itself is unlit, foul-smelling, and dark.  On the floor is a jawless skull and a pile of broken bones, and scratched on the walls are the words Here lies Skoraz the Wizard, Who felt the Wrath of the Queen of Violets.  The skull has a rune etched in its forehead, and the mist is exhaling out of the skull.  If a player touches the skull, they must make a Will save DC 17 or have their soul sucked into the skull, and their body is replaced by the mind of Skoraz, who is insane and immediately begins attacking the party.  Skoraz will attempt to do this each round until he is successful.  The skull has these stats: ac 15, hp 20, can only be damaged by magic or magical weapons.  He has the physical stats of the player, but none of the abilities, and instead has the following spells which he can cast 1/round at will: slow, summon swarm of cockroaches, lightning bolt.  There is no treasure here.

 A viewing room.  Stone sculptures in the corners.  Curtains over the windows.  Here propped up between two windows is a large mirror which flows like water brushed by wind.  A character can walk through the mirror to the basement.

The air here is heavy and thick.  In the corner is a statue of a centipede, coiled up and around itself, and topped with five human faces.  The faces are featureless, and it rests on a fine red carpet.  In a bowl before it are nine gold coins.  If a player takes a coin, they must make a DC 18 Will or be cursed with fear to flee the room in a random direction for ten rounds.  They cannot thereafter enter the room without running in fear.

On this door in red paint are the words STRIVE TO ATTAIN YE SALVATION, LEST DAMNATION TAKE FROM YOU THAT WITH YOU HOLD MOST DEAR.  Within, stitched together by the back, are three naked guys slain by the Damnation Prophet.  Their eyes and mouth are stitched up also. On a table are needles and spools of black thread, and three black candles.  If anyone touches the nobles, the stitches come loose with a ripping sound and attempt the stitch into the person touching them, while the needle and thread on the table animate and attempt to do the same, while an enchantment compels the person to remove all their armor and clothes.  Will DC 16 to resist enchantment, and the needles attack at +8 and take three rounds to stitch up the back, and then move on to the mouth and eyes, which take one round each.  Each round they deal 1d4 damage, until the stitching is done, and then the player will bleed for 1d10 damage per round until they are dead or the bleeding is stopped.

Each door here is made of glass.  The floor here is made of polished glass tiles, over a deep pit of spikes.  It can be walked on, but will shatter with a hard blow.  Below can be seen room 10.  A statue made of glass standing in the center, of man bearing a hateful expression, and has real organs inside.  The organs seek a true host, and the statue attacks, attempting to rip open an enemy and replace the organs.  Glass golem: hp 30, ac 16, takes half damage from slashing weapons, immune to magic; attack: rip open enemy +10, 2d6+6 damage, on 10 or more damage, there’s an organ swap – 1. heart 2. stomach 3. liver 4. brain 5. spine 6. spleen

A glass hallway.  A red gem on the floor is possessed of malicious personality, and sears flesh if touched, for 2d6 damage. 

In this room, swimming through the air, is a school of glass fish, crafted of interlocking glass and filled with colored liquid. Causes the following effects if the contents are drunk, which last until they pee.  Red: Character may eat metal as sustenance; Orange: Wild-flowers grow where the player treads, if steeped into a tea, can be drunk to restore 1d8 hit-points (once per day).  Yellow: shed yellow light from skin Green: Shrinks by half, as well as all possessions. Blue: A duplicate of the player but of opposite sex is birthed from their head, owning half their hit-points, and of a bizzaro temperament. Indigo: the surface of liquids are now impassable. Violet: Can see secret doors with their eyes closed.

Six lions, lounging on sumptuous pillows.  A dead guy.

A magic rod with a black skull and in the skull is a purple candle.  If the candle is lit, the light produces a Sanctuary for the Insane.  All mind-affecting powers and effects spring from the flame as a random animal, and when the light goes out they are sucked back in.  While they’re manifest as an animal, they can be destroyed.

The doorframe sags.  The room beyond is decrepit.  There is a moldy mattress.  Wooden boards hold up the ceiling.  If the boards are destroyed the room collapses, causing 10d6 damage to all in the room.

Empty.  A desiccated corpse.