CRITICAL MISS TABLE
2 Uh-oh, snake-eyes! Either critical hit yourself or roll on the disaster table.
3 Drop what you’re holding
4 Trip and fall
5 Trip and fall on your face, you have a bloody nose and take 1d4 damage
6 Throw what you’re holding 1d4x10’ away (roll d4) 1-2 straight ahead or 3-4 straight behind you
7 Stop punching yourself! Make an attack roll against you
8 Make an attack roll against another person next to your target, if there aren’t any make one against yourself
9 Weapon breaks in some minor way (string snaps, handle falls off), broken until you get a chance to fix it
10 Jam your hand, ow! Disadvantage with that hand for next round
11 Twist your ankle! Speed is 10 until you’re healed
12 Total fuck-up, lose your next turn. You narrate why.
2 Your insane fuck-up is so shameful that you’re now blighted from the sight of the gods. You can no longer cast divine magic, and divine magic no longer affects you. Animals attack you on sight. This lasts until you perform an over-the-top ritual obeisance worth 1d6x100 gold.
3 Your armor gets nicked in a crucial point. Next time your armor would stop an attack, it breaks and you take a critical hit
4 Your weapon gets nicked in a crucial point. Next time you hit with an attack, your weapon shatters into pieces. You and everyone around you needs to make a Dexterity save DC 18 or take 1d4 damage.
5 You fall and break your dominant arm. You just can’t use it until you’re healed or its splinted, and then you’re at disadvantage with that arm until you rest for a week and make a Constitution save DC 15
6 Your weapon nicks an artery. You take 1d8 damage and 1d8 damage at the start of each turn unless the bleeding is somehow stopped.
7 Your weapon clangs or scrapes super loud. A random encounter immediately joins the fray
8 Your pack breaks and your entire inventory falls onto the floor, anything fragile has a 25% chance of breaking
9 A level 10 thief backstabs you. Where’d he come from???
10 You fall and get a concussion. Unconscious for 1d10 rounds, and take 1d6 damage to all stats.
11 Sorry, you still critical hit yourself, except now you fall down too
12 Earthquake! It goes for 1d6 rounds. Everyone has to make a Dexterity save DC 20 immediately or fall down and can't get up until it's over, even if they don’t they can only move at half speed. Within 50 miles buildings collapse, avalanches occur, roads are wiped out, bridges crumble. If you’re underground, then every round you take 2d6 damage from the ceiling falling, Dex save 15. Walls and hallways collapse. 5% chance of tsunami.