100 monster mechanics

I was talking with people about monster mechanics. I've written a lot of monster mechanics in the last few years. Here's everything my players have encountered in the megadungeon so far. I'm leaving off anything that simply deals any extra damage, or is just an added grab, since I use those so often.

1. You can see squirming bulges under their skin. Every hit, tentacle demon babies spray out around them. This creates a swarm. The swarms can merge, if they do, their hit-points are simply merged.

2. 3/day DEPOSIT EGGS on a grabbed target — CON save DC 19 or eggs are forcibly implanted in your flesh, 8d6 dmg and Con save every day DC 19, after 2 failures the eggs hatch into disgusting tentacle demon babies (an additional 20d6 dmg as they hatch out of your flesh)

3. CHAMELEONIC: Disadvantage on attacks against Veck, as his colors shift and meld into the background.

4. COMBO: First attack: Regular

Second attack: Disengage up to 15’, attack everyone in a 15’ line

Third Attack: Attack everyone adjacent to him

Fourth attack: Disengage up to 15’, Knock back up to 15’

5. They are NOT HOSTILE at first, unless they feel they can get a strong advantage and win with few or no casualties. They are very cautious, but will feed the players false information and lead them into traps if possible.

6. stone Armor reduces all incoming weapon damage by 5

7. Laser: Scintillating purple and blue pulsing laser 300 feet long, seeks a target that the mecha has seen in the last ten minutes by the most direct path available (lines only), and targets it and everyone between it and the target

8. EVERY ONE-QUARTER HP:

Vents a radioactive cloud in a 20’ radius around it. This incendiary cloud lasts for 10 rounds, affects people who enter it or end their turn in it, and also automatically poisons people affected by it until the end of their next turn.

9. IF IT TAKES A CRITICAL HIT:

A chunk of its black armor is torn off, revealing a fleshy pulsing spot underneath. If hit (as a called shot), the mecha takes double damage. 

10.  If anyone enters room, utters spell causing rooms to tip 90 degrees.

11. Able to cast a MASS CURE WOUNDS as recharge 4/5/6.

12. if you’re hit you’re restrained (the ball and chains grant a +10)

13. MIMIC: if you try to open it, you’re stuck to it with a weird sticky previously invisible goo, it gets to attack with advantage, attacks against surprised creatures are automatic critical hits.

14. at will can cast REPULSION, this causes target creatures within 60’ to immediately move their entire movement speed away (no save).

15. Also 1/day can speak a disgusting word, target Con save 18 or is polymorphed into a disgusting lizard.

16. 1/day can breathe clouds of poison in a 20’ cube that CON DC 18 or 2d10 dmg per round and poisoned and movement reduced to 10.

17. Targets opponent and adjacent enemy, each hit deals 4d4 dmg and a stacked bleeding, dealing 1d4 bleeding damage at the start of each round, this lasts until a Medicine check DC 20 or a 3rd level or higher Cure Wounds.

18. 1/multiattack, as part of the attack, the arrow stick in a person and radiate their power, must be removed as an action to stop the effect: 

ELECTRICITY (8d6 in 20’ radius when impact and at the end of players’ turn, others may Dex save 18 to take half dmg, but if you’re wearing metal armor you’re at disadvantage)

19. STATIC (all words come out as hissing static in 20’ radius, spells with V impossible)

20. HOLD PERSON (whole body goes numb and is paralysed, Wis DC 18 to resist)

21. MIND CONTROL (DC 18 wisdom check, comes under direct control of boss as long as arrow is in him, acts at the end of boss’ turn, all attacks gain a +10 dmg)

22. BLINK (roll d20 at start of each turn, on 11+ target blinks into astral plane, swirling psychedelic fogs, monsters can be dimly seen as shadows, only vulnerable to FORCE and PSYCHIC effects, and end of turn target returns to material plane)

23. when someone walks under it, it falls down. +10 and advantage against everyone under it, for 8d8 dmg.

24. Cone 15’ roiling black gas that lingers until the end of the frog’s next turn: CHA DC 13 or reduced to 0 hit-points, and at the same time, maximum health halved, which remains permanent as a curse.

25. Bite +10 d10+10 and suck you for maximum health (gained as temporary hit-points)

26. Can forgo each bite attack to suck in—everyone gets drawn towards it 15’, first person who makes contact gets bit (Strength saving throw 18 to resist)

27. On death: 1. Sleep (no save) 2. Magic missile 5d4+5 3. Color spray 10’ radius (5th level) 4. Cause Fear on killer DC 15 5. Paralyse lower / upper body on killer Wisdom DC 15 6. Fireball 10d6 dmg

28. Snail slings: 1d4+10 dmg, and you’ve got a snail on you that traces corrosive and numbing venom on your body — d10 stacking dmg each round, and Con DC 15 or a random limb goes numb / paralysed. 1 R arm 2 L arm 3. head 4 torso 5 R leg 6 L leg

29. Immune to Weapons, Any weapon that hits it gets stuck in the slime baby.

30. They only attack bleeding people, they are fascinated with blood.

31. his hand leaves a mark, keeping you from healing, as a curse.

32. He’s blind! All attacks are at disadvantage, except his BITE attack is NOT if the target is GRABBED.

33. FOG: At the end of every other round, the fog inside them radiates outwards in a 10’ aura, dealing 1d10 poison dmg and adding a stack of poison.

34. When a spell is cast within 30’ of a blue jelly cube, it explodes, dousing everything within 15’ with blue slime (2d10 dmg).

35. attracted to characters with max HP

36. LICK for free each round +12 to TRANSMIT DISEASE (2d10 dmg to max health): 1. SPREADING WARTS 2. INSTANT RASH 3. CANT STOP SHIVERING 4. JUST REALLY TIRED AND THIRSTY 5. MASSIVE BRUISING 6. EVERYTHING HURTS A LOT

37. When it moves through the slime, slime sprays everywhere: everyone within 20’ of the SPIKED WAR MACHINE must Dex DC 15 or take 2d10 acid damage.

38. EMANATE BLACK SPERM at everyone outside 15’ from it (+12 for 1d12 damage, repeating at the end of each turn as the sperm burrows into you, it must be burned out with fire)

39. Movement 30, but he is a slime bender, when he comes to a slime pool it forms a bridge that ferries him across for free movement. He can climb up slime waterfalls this way.

40. 2 attacks per round with his halberd, +12 — 2d8+4 and a stack of poison — 1d10 damage per stack. Player takes 1d10 dmg per point of stack at the start of player turn. Poison is permanent until cured.

41. Expel Poison: Expels poison from his skin, everyone within 10’ must Con save DC 20 or take 1d4 stacks of poison

42. They only attack if someone comes through this room alone.

43. If killed, they explode in a mist of crystal, everyone within 10’ must Dex save DC 15 or be restrained by crystal that takes 20 points of dmg to destroy, or a DC 18 strength check.

44. It takes no damage from weapon attacks,

45. if you get next to it, it can attack by reaction +12 3d10 acid dmg.

46. When it moves, it SCREAMS. Wis save DC 15 or be Frightened and speed is reduced to 10.

47. His skin is SO THICK that he only takes damage if he takes more than 15 points — at that point he takes the entire load.

48. When they ask a question as an action, their targets legs cease to work until they are forced to answer truthfully, no save allowed (this is magic)

49. If they die, their comrades are able to resurrect them — they have trained this way to become unsurpassed warriors

50. aura 30’ deals Con save DC 18 4d10 poison damage every round (save for half), on a failed save you’re poisoned. Your skin gets hard and green.

51. Immune to all damage while wearing the ankh

52. Mass Polymorph (targets 1d4+1 people)

53. STRANGE BOW +12 1d10+10 and impaled into the wall, must take 2d6+10 damage to remove arrow and move

54. They’re so fast that when fighting in melee that almost never miss.'

55. Immune to time-affecting spells

56. Duration of all spells cast on them is reduced to one round due to time dilation

57. One holds a squirming squid creature which he wields as a weapon: deals 3d6+10 poison damage, leaves bright white stripes where its tentacles hit,

58. Other holds a bright red rooster which he wields as a flame-thrower; every round in a 60’ cube in front of him, can breathe fire for 8d6 damage (Dex 15 for half)

59. Resistant to magic,, if a spell misses or fails, it reflects off the shell directly back at the caster.

60. Speed 20, but it leaves a trail of slime, and if you walk through it you must make a Strength saving throw DC 18 or be stuck, and use your action to wrest yourself free, Strength check DC 18.

61. EXTENDABLE ROYAL GAUNTLET HANDS, like Hellboy’s gauntlet except it can shoot out

62. MASSIVE SERPENT BITE: A coiling hydra of serpents bursts from the ground, all in the 10’ area must Dex save DC 18 or 4d10 dmg, then serpents make three bite attacks +12 at 3 targets within 30 feet for an additional 6d10 dmg. 

63. Dream Breath (5/6): 60’ cone, DC 18 Con or 18d6 Poison damage, and begin to fade from reality — For next round all damage dealt is halved, then save again; on failed save, unable to interact with objects or see more than 10’, then save; on third failed save, you are banished to the realm of dreams for one minute (everything overgrown, weird gravity, giant lamp-eyed cats watch you, it’s night time)

64. replace an attack to kiss a grabbed foe — +10 attack to cause to become glued to the triple-men, lose 4d10 max hp

65. Spells cast in his sight are randomly disrupted:

Roll d10

1. Target closest adjacent target

2. Target self

3. Instead of damage do healing

4. All targets also turn invisible

5. All targets also polymorphed into 1. cat 2. lizard. 3. dove 4. dog

6. All targets also fly d10 rounds

7. Spell slot not expended

8. Damage doubled

9. Targets disappear for d10 rounds

10. Spell disappears, comes into effect in d4 rounds

66. Ranged attacks automatically miss due to blowing winds

67. Attacks and powers against her take effect with a 1d4 round delay

68. One single bright green flower, it is poisonous, touching the flower causes you to take 1d10 damage every time you speak, one hour.

69. SLEEP WALL — Cast sleep in a 60’ long, 10’ high, 2” thick wall, any who passes through it must Wisdom save or fall asleep

70. Immune to the type of damage they last took

71. Advantage to attack hurt opponents

72.  it fears cold. It flees from cold, though it will try to smother anything small, smaller than 10 feet cubed.

73. He is immune to weaponry and spells.

74. He is incredibly strong, he will always win a grapple, and after winning, will deal 8d10 damage per round as he methodically rips them apart. 

75. He can break through locked doors and other barriers with an action. 

76. ABSORB SOUND: All within 60’ have their SOUND ABSORBED: 3d12 damage and Con DC 19 or Silenced and Deafened for 1 minute

77. SCREAM All within 60’ must Con DC 17 or 4d10 damage and be deafened until end of next turn

78. WITHER: targets all foes within 30’, causing 12d8 damage, DC 19 con save for half, on fail also 1 levels of exhaustion and making it as if they had not eaten for a week, also causes them to lose a quarter of their bodyweight

79. DEVOUR: swallow a L or smaller target whole, provided they have 100 hitpoints or less. Attack roll, then swallows target, they take 10d10 damage immediately, then take 3d20 dmg per round. 

80. They can scramble over the surface of the water They flicker and glitch when they move, they can pass freely through opponents.

81. The one wielding the dagger catches on fire, he deals 8d6 fire damage to anyone who starts his turn within 20’ of him, and anyone who moves into his aura. This heals his friends and heals him, it cannot be reduced.

82. If attacked it has HP 50 AC 15 and one attack, it spins and at start of next turn shoots a giant purple laser beam 10’ wide 200’ long Dex DC 18 or 18d10 necrotic damage, this destroys the limb knot.

83. Attack +12 4d10 and stick, thereafter dealing 25% total hit-points at the start of each round, and inflicting a level of exhaustion. After four rounds mosquito woman also receives two levels of exhaustion.

84. Its blood is poisonous, when a head is severed, poison blood pours out, if underwater all water in 20 feet is poisoned and deals Con save DC 19 10d6 poison damage, half damage on save, and poisoned (save at end of turn to resist), this poison lingers for 24 hours; over water, the poison sprays straight forward in a 30’ cone.

85. ANYONE FROM NOW ON WHO HEARS THE SONG: When he makes music, must make a Charisma save DC 20, on a failure he accidentally plays the Demon’s song instead, the effect does not work.

86. The song is louder and more clear here. When you hear it, make a Charisma save DC 20. On a failure, you feel sort of dizzy and out of it, you’re dissociating. 

You now make Psychic saving throws with disadvantage, and psychic ability checks and saves are at disadvantage too. This lasts for 24 hours.

87. Mirror Images — Creates 1d4 mirror images, its impossible to tell which is which, they take no damage from area of effect attacks, and on his turn they each cast their own spell, dealing half damage, attacking illith varn causes the usual problems of mirror image, except each one must be dispelled separately as a 4th level spell, they are AC 19 

88. Every time the wolfman takes damage, chunks of fur go flying, when they hit the ground they each turn into a wolf! It starts as a FIRST ITERATION SWARM. Every time the wolfman gains damage, if there is a swarm within 30’ feet and there is a way for his hair to hit the ground, the swarm gains 20 hitpoints. After gaining 100 hitpoints, it becomes SECOND ITERATION. After gaining another 50 hitpoints, it becomes FINAL ITERATION. At this point, damaging the wolfman creates another FIRST ITERATION.

89. When 2 or more targets move within 10’ radius of each other, shoot mini explosive grenades (DC 19 Dex or 4d10 damage)

90. BLINDNESS/DEADNESS. Afflict one opponent with blindness and deafness. No save is allowed, and the effect is permanent.

91. turn INVISIBLE at the end of each turn, this can be dispelled or prevented by the usual means

92. INCENSE BURNERS CAN CATCH SPELLS! A spell that is targeted within 20’ of the censer can be caught in the censer. As a reaction, make an opposed intelligence check (d20+10), if incense burner wins, it catches the SPELL, and may cast it as a bonus action next round

93.And as a bonus action cast a spell:

1. All allies in 10’ radius get +4d10 temporary hitpoints

2. All allies in 10’ radius get extra attack

3. All enemies in 30’ radius movement reduce to 0, cannot leave square (Cha save DC 18)

4. All enemies in 30’ radius damage halved (Cha save DC 18)

94. WARP MIND: DC 20 Charisma save and 2d12 psychic damage, and: 1. Fond memory permanently replaced with demon memory

95. They take out a big sharp drill and start drilling into your head. They only use this if you’re stunned, and it puts them at disadvantage to defenses. 

96.  Brain Worm (range 30, at will, DC 18 intelligence check or 6d6 psychic damage and take movement in a direction octopus guard desires, even into hazards and off ledges)

97. STAKES: If a vampire is incapacitated and then manually staked through the heart at melee, it will be paralysed but not slain. If conscious, it can be incapacitated by being grappled by at least two people. It can then be slain by beheading.

98. These vampires are jumpy: they can jump 30 feet as part of an attack (separate from their move), if the attack hits then they’re on you and can replace one of their unarmed attacks with a vampire bite.

99. Spell: They can do a dance which causes you to dance too, Wisdom DC 16 or restrained for one round, and 10d6 damage as your body twists and contorts

100. BLANK: Smudges an area in a 20’ radius for 1d6 minutes, no concentration required and can be canceled as a reaction. This area ceases to exist. Anything that moves into the area ceases to exist. When the spell ends everything in the area returns to existence. DC 19 DEX save to escape. Anything that touches it gets glitched into the blank. Portions of limbs and objects gets smudged, but you don’t take any damage if you touch it.

i did a podcast!

Alex had me on his new podcast to talk about actual play. We talked about megadungeons, long campaigns, high level play, player challenge, dungeon ecology, NPCs and romance, and some other stuff! It was fun. 

Link here: https://anchor.fm/text2table/episodes/Nate-Lumpkin----Statting-Gods-and-Dating-Goblins-ecvbc0

His blog here: http://todistantlands.blogspot.com/

Hope you like it! Thanks Alex!

follower subsystem!

After spending some time in the dungeon (6 months? 20-40 sessions?), my players started recruiting some guys to come with them. Partly because not every player could make every session, so they'd have the option to pad out the team, and partly because the threats in the dungeon were very scary, so they could bring back up if they hit a hard spot. But we all like video games and leveling up, so I gave their followers levels and an upgrade tree. 

XP is split evenly with followers when brought along. You can only bring a number of followers to equal the total number of players + 1. Since our group usually has 4 players, the largest a group can ever be is 5. Meaning if two players join a session, they can bring all three NPCs, and if all four players are present, they can bring one.

If a session has players joining or leaving early, it's okay to teleport followers in and out. It seems worth it to handwave the details in this case.

Followers are controlled directly by players during combat, but won't do anything against their nature. PCs will have to negotiate with or convince followers as normal to do strange or untoward actions, and conversations will be roleplayed. If a follower dies, they can be brought back from the dead, but depending on the circumstances and the players' actions, might not want to fight anymore. This happened to Zaxas, it sort of sucked and I miss him.

Follower stats are determined when they're hired, and depend on their innate capabilities and characteristics. If the players decide to hire some dumb schmuck, they'll have stats to reflect that. 

My players were level 15-17 when we started this and their hirelings are statted to reflect that. They hit level 2 and level 3 with about one session of play each, and then levels 4 and 5 a little bit slower than that.

Are the NPC powers overpowered? Hell yes they are. But the NPCs are pretty flimsy so I think it balances out.

HIRELING XP CHART

LEVEL 2: 1,000

LEVEL 3: 3,000

LEVEL 4: 6,000

LEVEL 5: 10,000

OCEAN BRACK

A rich adventuress from the Moriad. She travels with a ton of money and a craving for new adventures. The players met her when she was bidding for a magic diving bell which can transport the occupant to hell. She went to hell once and came back safely, and they convinced her to travel with them to the Shattered Labyrinths of Illith Varn to seek new knowledge and experiences. Her gimmick is she can gift the players gold instead of upgrading her stats. If they choose this, the gold does not apply to XP.

Ocean Brack 
HP 11, AC 11 
Attack +3 1d8+1 (Rapier)

LEVEL 2: +2d8+2 HP AND +2000 GOLD or +2 AC

Choose one:

HELPFUL KNOWLEDGE (May make a knowledge check with a +10 bonus on pretty much anything, if successful cannot be used until next day)

DODGE (Reduce damage from incoming attack or spell to 0, useable once per day as reaction)

PERCEIVE WEAKNESS (Spend entire action studying foe, then at start of next turn may impart knowledge to give allies within shouting distance +5 on next attack, useable once per day)

LEVEL 3 +2d8+2 HP AND +2000 GOLD or +2 Attack

Choose one:

PARRY AND RIPOSTE (1/turn If hit with an attack, may parry as a reaction to provide her a +d10 AC, if attack then misses, she may riposte)

DISTRACT (Hurls insults at opponent, which must make Wisdom save, on failure is at disadvantage to attack anyone but her, used once per short rest, lasts one round)

LET ME TAKE A LOOK (Makes a Perception or Investigate check with a +15 bonus, useable once per short rest)

LEVEL 4 +2d8+2 HP AND +2000 GOLD or +2 to two saves AND sneak attack 2d6

Choose one:

MAKE A NOTE (Makes notes in her journal exactly describing events as she sees it for up to one minute, including room layout, monster behavior, things spoken, etc, useable once/day)

SNEAK ATTACK (May now sneak attack once per turn with a +4d6 dmg)

MY FATHER KNEW A FELLOW LIKE THIS (Make an opposed Charisma check with a +15 bonus, on a success target treats Ocean as a friendly acquaintance, just like Charm person)

LEVEL 5 +2d8+2 HP AND +2 to two of your choice: AC, ATTACK, or TWO SAVES

Choose one:

I SUPPOSE THIS ADVENTURE IS REALLY WORTH IT (+10000 GOLD)

HELL MOVE (Attacks five times with a +4 bonus to attack, and may sneak attack with each attack, if the target is killed, a demon is summoned from the corpse of the slain which serves Ocean Brack for one day and one night; the summoned demon is chosen randomly from a secret DM list, or generated randomly; my secret demon list is a spread of standard monster manual demons with a roll of 20 summoning a balor, naturally the first time they used this power they summoned a balor and used it to steamroll a good chunk of the dungeon, I'm still mad about it but fair's fair)

CRODA THE WOLF

Croda is a giant speaking wolf who fights with a sword in her mouth. I honestly don't remember her backstory at all, except that she hails from frozen Velenheim, kingdom of the white elves and their dead armies. I imagine the wolves there might train in weapons to better hunt their prey. Maybe her pack was killed by elves or zombies. 

Croda the Wolf
HP 31 AC 15
Sword attack +5 1d10+2
Bite +5 1d8+1 and trip

LEVEL 2: +2d12+8 HP, +2 to AC or ATTACK, 

and CHOOSE ONE

SPIN ATTACK: attack all adjacent, anyone hit is knocked down (1/short rest);

SAVAGE LEAP: After making a successful bite attack, leap up to half movement speed as disengage and then bite again, but must make a bite attack.

KICK: May kick as a bonus action each round for 1d8 dmg and knock back 5’

LEVEL 3: +2d12+8 HP, +2 to TWO SAVES or DAMAGE, 

and CHOOSE ONE

ALL ONCE PER DAY: 

STRANGE HOWL (All enemies within 60’ must make Wis save or spend next turn using movement crawling like maggots, means movement halved at very least), 

MOON HOWL (Sheds sickly moonlight from no-where, enemies within 60’ take 2d10 radiant damage, no save), 

FOND HOWL (Allies within 15’ gain 2d10 temporary hit-points that last until sunset or sunrise, whichever comes sooner)

LEVEL 4 +2d12+8 HP, +2 to AC or ATTACK,

 and CHOOSE ONE

ALL ONCE PER SHORT REST: 

QUADRUPLE SLASH (Attack four times with wielded weapon, recharge on short rest), 

BITE THE BLOOD (1/short rest, On a successful bite attack, heal 3x that amount on self), 

CRODA’S DANCE (1/short rest, Use all movement speed to perform a strange dance, next attack roll gains a +10 to attack roll and if it hits, target must spend their movement on next turn dancing, and then attack Croda back at least once)

LEVEL 5 +2d12+8 HP +2 to TWO SAVES or DAMAGE, 

and CHOOSE ONE

MOONLIGHT GREATSWORD (1/long rest wielded weapon now deals +4d6 radiant damage, sheds silvery green light in a 60’ radius, and may shoot beams of moonlight up to a range of 30, dealing damage as the sword; this lasts 1 minute, after which the weapon degrades into rust);

MASSIVE FORM (1/long rest grow to size huge, gain +40 hitpoints, +4 to damage, advantage to strength checks and strength saving throws, and +20 to move, this lasts 10 minutes)

ZAXAS THE MANTIS-MAN

A mantis-man from the Black Jungles of Abazidun, who has ventured north into the wastes of ruined Orostranthy to discover the world! Friendly, wide-eyed, pure of heart, somewhat timid. He looks like Zorak except with mantis blades instead of yellow gloves.

ZAXAS

HP 28 AC 18

2 attacks with mantis blades +6 1d8+2

Movement 40, and may jump up to 40 feet

Acrobatics +8

LEVEL 2: +2d8+6 HP, AND +2 DAMAGE or +2 AC

Choose one:

TWIRL (After hitting an opponent, may use a bonus action to attack another different adjacent opponent), 

DECAPITATE (Now deals a critical hit on a 17-19, while a natural 20 deals triple damage), 

FINE SONG (Sings a fine song in battle, giving allies who hear a +1d4 to attack, saves, or damage, this roll is useable once every ten minutes but only during battle)

LEVEL 3: +2d8+6 HP AND EXTRA ATTACK AND ACROBATICS +5

Choose one:

HYPNO-EYES (Make eye contact with an opponent as an action, opponent makes Wisdom save, on failure is charmed, incapacitated, and has a speed of 0, as long as Zaxas maintains eye-contact, if it takes damage or is shaken awake, useable once/day), 

CAMOUFLAGE (Zaxas may blend in with his surroundings, giving him a +15 bonus to stealth, and 1/day forcing opponents to attack him with disadvantage for 1 minute), 

EXCELLENT BLOW (A single attack this turn that hits deals +2d8 damage and causes opponent to drop whatever they’re holding and may not move on next turn and attack with disadvantage for next turn, useable once per day)

LEVEL 4: +2d8+6 HP AND +2 ATTACK or +2 AC

Choose one:

RAIN OF BLOOD (For 1d4 turns, each attack targets opponent and adjacent target, 1/long rest),

I DINE ON YOU (Zaxas gains an additional bite attack for +1d6 dmg), 

HAVE AT THEE (Every time Zaxas attacks, he may move forward 5 feet and force the target to move backward 5 feet, if this would put the target into a hazard, there is an opposed Strength check, if opponent wins Zaxas cant move them anymore this round)

LEVEL 5: +2d8+6 HP AND EXTRA ATTACK AND ACROBATICS +5, AND CHOOSE ONE: +2 AC, +2 ATTACK, or +2 to TWO SAVES

Choose one:

RADIANT SCREAM (Zaxas screams, the built up radiation of the Black Jungles locked in his body are projected from his spread wings. This creatures a blinding light. All creatures in a 60’ Cone must make a Constitution save DC 16 or take 6d10 Radiation damage; Success means the target takes half damage; on failure, they are blinded and suffer 2d10 Necrotic damage at the start of each turn for a minute as their body decomposes, they may save again after taking damage to end the effect),

 I AM YOUR DEATH (Zaxas attacks six times, and may jump to disengage up to half his movement speed between each attack. The first attack targets all enemies adjacent to Zaxas. The second attack inflicts a bleeding effect that repeats the damage incurred for 1d4 rounds. The third attack targets all enemies in a 15’ cube adjacent to Zaxas. The fourth attack is a sneak attack that automatically deals +4d6 damage. The fifth attack knocks back the target up to 15’, granting a Strength save DC 15 if it would place them in a hazard. The sixth attack is treated as a roll of a raw 20 and deals triple damage.)

d&d 5e

overall, a fun, easy to run game. the class abilities feel powerful and well drawn, the combat structure is flexible and easy to (basically) understand. the spells are very cool and flexible, and support a flexible, varied sort of game.

HOWEVER

there is a sameness and homogeneity to everything that i just can't shake. classes end up feeling sort of similar to each other, even though their powers and capabilities are very different, there is the sense that they are all drawing from the same well. this is obvious in that different spellcasters have spell lists with many overlapping spells. but beyond that there is a sameness. different races feel more like different coats of paint than actually different in substance. same for backgrounds.

this is my big gripe, but i have a few others.

THE WRITING IS VAGUE

oh man, the technical writing gets so vague at times. i've been playing this edition of dnd since it came out, and we are still having trouble understanding how different spells and effects exactly work. the worst case is spells like "moonbeam" or "cloud of daggers," which only deal damage when a creature "enters the spell's area for the first time on a turn or starts its turn there" this is so numbingly vague, it's like looking at a piece of glass, they only say the word turn twice but it looks like it's written four times, and apparently this means that the damage only takes effect on the monster's turn AFTER the spell is cast, or if a monster MOVES into the spell, but NOT when the spell is cast, however there is no indication in the book that this is the case, it is only clarified online by the writers. 

or consider the concept of "clear path to the target." a caster of magic needs a "clear path to the target" to be able to cast the spell. again, this is left a little vague, presumably to allow DMs to give rulings, and also to allow casters to affect things shrouded in darkness or fog. but what does it MEAN?? does it mean a straight line? can the path curve or go around corners? my players were in a dense forest recently and i ruled that the trees were blocking magic, but is this intended? how is the game meant to be played? what is the rule??

throughout the book there is repeatedly this sense that they should not be too specific, and sentences become a sort of equation to be deciphered. Spells and abilities repeatedly refer to specific "conditions" to determine exactly what they do, which are so complex that they can't be effectively memorized, however the conditions page is embedded in the index somewhere after the spell-list and somewhere before (I think) the appendix which lists the different planes of existence. character abilities like "sneak attack" are filled with so many modifiers and buts that it's hard to understand exactly what the intent behind the power is.

why are critical hits not simply double damage? why do we have to roll the dice twice and then add the modifier? every time we get a critical hit at the table, we always have to remind the player how to do a critical hit. double damage is so much simpler and more satisfying, why not just do this?

one of the effects of this is that it becomes hard for new players to understand what their spells and abilities are. i have a player who is a sorcerer who is very reluctant to use her sorcery points, partly because she has trouble understanding what they do. i've had players abandon spellcasting characters because they want simpler characters. 

the other effect is that my players like following the rules in the game, it creates some shelter against my capriciousness, changing moods, and spite. this is true. but then the rules are sometimes vague and difficult to interpret. for instance, one of my players is a barbarian with high strength and the ability to lift huge poundage, when his allies are unconscious and endangered, he wants to be able to move them out of danger. i've encountered this with other players to, when someone they care about is in danger and unable to move, they want to push or move them to safety. however there are no guidelines for this, i feel it is creates problems if characters can simply use their movement speed to move their allies out of danger, however the barbarian character is (through powers granted in the game) very strong, and we have had to have a detailed rules negotiation to find a ruling that threads the needle and works for both of us.

 it's frustrating.

CANTRIPS

players are able to cast 0-level spells at will. i tried this for a few sessions and found it made the game seem ungrounded and strange, like a weird dream. this is easily edited with a house rule, but it still felt not quite like dungeons and dragons.

THE BOOK IS SO DISORGANIZED

why aren't there tables of races and their bonuses? why isn't there a list of all the backgrounds? why is it so hard to find the equipment list? why is it so hard to find the backgrounds chapter at all? why does character creation jump back and forth through so many different chapters? why isn't there a chapter just called "skills?" this stuff drives me insane. i've heavily marked up my book to help but it still barely works.

CHARACTER CREATION TAKES FOREVER

there's no easy list of steps to just follow. it jumps back and forth through so many chapters. as my new players have started dying, they've started making new characters on their own. it usually takes at least an hour to roll a new character, sometimes more. first its rolling abilities, then choosing a race (back to organization: why aren't the races just alphabetically organized? how on earth are they organized? i don't understand, it's so hard to even just find "human" let alone "tiefling"), then choosing a class, then going through the equipment list, choosing skills, choosing spells, okay we're done!! actually not quite, still have to choose a background, what page is that again...?

PROFICIENCY BONUS IS INSANE

So, there is something nonintuitive about proficiency bonus. on its face its a simple and effective tool to provide scaling, but not too much of it. i like that high level characters are still weak against many attacks. however, my players over the years have repeatedly had trouble understanding the purpose of proficiency bonus and what to add it to. i tried to explain it with powerpoint recently and they're still a little foggy. i think the concept is slippery -- its a small, static bonus, added to a few rolls (but only a few of them), only bonuses you're "proficient' in, which increases over time but only very slowly. it's a teflon concept, it feels like padding. 

the smallness of the proficiency bonus (+2 at level one, +6 at level 20) is complicated by the fact that some character powers allow you to double your proficiency bonus for certain rolls. this allows my players to easily attain skill rolls in the high 20s with even a mediocre roll. if i want to create monsters that are competitive, they need bonuses so overwhelming that players without that particular power, even if proficient in the skill, have nearly no chance of success. doesn't this defeat the whole purpose of a slowly scaling bonus? i don't get it.

ADVANTAGE/DISADVANTAGE

Again, simple on the surface, and easy to grasp. however, again, a homogeneity to it. so many powers and effects grant advantage/disadvantage, there's a lack of scaling, or of needing to think carefully. okay, you get advantage, great! i've started reverting to old 3e rules of giving bonuses of +2 to +10 for good ideas, but it feels like the rules of the game resist this. 

WHY ARE THEY LEVELING UP SO SLOWLY?

My new players sky-rocketed through levels 1-4 but now the gap to level 5 is huge. Monsters at the appropriate challenge rating deal so much damage and have so many hitpoints that combat feels really scary and deadly. I can homebrew this. but it's something I've noted.

IT IS SO HARD TO HOMEBREW MONSTERS

one of the effects of this is it can be hard to foresee what the effect of adding homebrewed and DIY objects, powers, and spells is. an item i want to be interesting will end up being underpowered because i didn't add the "finesse" tag to it. stuff like that. 

the hardest part of homebrewing is figuring out relative power of monsters. there is very little support for this in the books. the official DMG supplies a chart and a multiple page guideline for writing monster stats. my current system involves three different calculation websites in order to supply them the numbers necessary to make them a credible threat. monsters need to have huge numbers of hit-points to be a threat long enough to use their powers, and need to deal huge amounts of damage to feel like a danger, and it is next to impossible to tell exactly what the appropriate amount of damage is. a CR 14 monster should have 266-280 hitpoints and an AC of 18, however, if you decrease its AC you will need to increase its hitpoints to compensate, by how much, I do not know. i plug it into a website and it tells me, and then i use another website to reverse engineer dice averages, and then a third website to find out the appropriate experience point range for my players. but you can't just hit a target XP range, you actually have to multiple the total by a different modifier depending on the number of monsters present. i don't know, it's insane. the good news is this seems to be roughly accurate, when i do it right the encounters' numbers feel appropriately challenging. 

otherwise, i make a neat monster with a cool concept and weird powers, and my players just walk all over it with their 5e specific powers.

creating new spells is challenging for the same reason. we're instructed to follow some loose guidelines and look at spells of similar strength at similar levels. level 9 spells are supposed to do 14d6 damage in an area, however then the spell meteor swarm deals 40d6 damage. it is all mystifying.

SOMETHING ABOUT IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE D&D

I was raised on 2e and migrated over to 3e, played a campaign of 4e, and have been playing 5e since it came out. i'm an edition follower i guess. there is something in dnd 5e that doesn't quite feel like actual d&d. it's a little too seamless, too integrated, with a lack of flavor, there's not the weirdness, the care for the seemingly unimportant details, the tables of different weapons. it feels too interested in fending off criticism and creating a sort of "language," and not interested enough in fantasy. this is just a feeling, i have no evidence for this.

WE'RE GOING TO KEEP USING IT

this is all a lot of complaints, but, we're used to it and it's generally easy to use at this point. it works well enough.

THE SPELL SYSTEM

the spell system, particularly, is very well written and easy to follow. i personally love the concept of spell slots, spells known, and spells prepared. it makes using the character much simpler than in past games, and magic users are much more fun and viable to play at lower levels. previously, low level casters were bullshit runts who couldn't do anything, and now magic feels flashy and significant right out the gate. my 1st level cleric "Tom" got a critical hit against a mimic and got to roll eight d6s. it fucking rocked. i did 30 damage. when you cast "speak with animals," it does what it says on the tin, and it's flexible and easy enough that you can just roll with it. spells didn't use to be this way, they used to be sort of fidgety.

THE TURN SYSTEM

Action -- move -- bonus action is simple and easy to remember. early editions had to do all this fussing to create the same effect. 3e had its lame flanking rule, and attacks of opportunity were so ubiquitous that combat slowed to a crawl. the disengage action creates a lot of freedom, and its easy to see the drawback of using it. the action economy is pretty obvious -- if someone is complex or hard to accomplish, i just say that it's an action to do it, and my players understand the immediate consequences. going back to the problem of picking up another character, i ruled that picking up or moving a character uses an action. bingo, problem part-way solved.

ITS PRETTY FUN

after all that, it works pretty well most of the time. i'm able to use the system to create an evocative and strange world, and that's what i really want, as well as the ability to create challenging and tactically difficult fights. the second part has taken a lot of experimentation, but over time i've had some really good results.

Alright, thats my review of dnd 5e. until next time.

final fantasy 7

OVERALL STRUCTURE

the greatest strength of this game is in its environments (namely, the art), its characters, and its music. the course of the story is a close second

much shorter than i remembered, speeds up and speeds up as the game nears its finish

sephiroth never quite manages to gain the personality promised by his concept, however his menace is unmistakeable, he always seems to embody a totality of evil that exists outside his personality, he has the most personality when the game is at its best: near the end of disc 1, when aeris is still alive, and the whole team is trying to work together to stop him. his creepy superiority is actually very human, his numbness to human pain a human quality, it speaks to a hidden interiority

when its discovered that he has been existing encased in crystal in the north for years, that he is giant in form, that he may not have a human body at all, that we have never actually met him, this is at first truly weird and terrifying, but then a little blunted -- wait, what was the man we interacted with? does he actually have that personality? what exactly is going on here?

cloud is also at his best here on disc 1, he is confused, in love with two of his friends, plagued by fragmented memory (a familiar state), plagued by mental states he does not understand, betraying himself and his friends even as he tries to stop sephiroth.

the game is also at its best when you are still exploring the world. the rhythm of exploring the map, finding new locations and characters, new items, new small stories, is very good. the bosses are hardest here, the areas you must traverse (particularly mt corel and nibelheim) have the most personality and menace. the broken places you explore, people barely holding on to the fragments of their lives, it is very sad and resonant

the beginning of the game has unmatched momentum and power. starting a story with an explosion is an idea the final fantasy series was never able to beat. the characters in midgar are so strange, quickly drawn, ruthless, funny, and gross, in a way the rest of the game never quite touches. the final dungeon of midgar, shinra hq, is big and quiet and corporate, it feels like its own game. beating shinra hq and escaping, only to find there is an entire world to explore, is a dizzying and unmatched game experience.

the revelation regarding cloud's true identity is good. it feels like a real resolution, like a real wound has been healed, confronting the truth here is dizzying and satisfying. however, cloud's personality after this becomes cloying, a little grating. he no longer has the depth of his earlier personality, he is upbeat and focused, he is saddened by aeris' death but not devastated, he is ready to move forward and accept the challenges, etc etc. this is simultaneously genuinely moving and uplifting, and just annoying. i miss old cloud, he isn't as interesting.

the last third of the game (disc 2 and 3, after the crisis at northern crater, and really after aeris' death) aren't able to match the first third. sephiroth, waiting in the northern crater, while meteor draws closer, does have an excellent dread and anxiety. the characters in the world all gaining new dialogue to match the events of meteor creates the feeling of a living world. however the subplot involving shinra collecting the huge materia never feels urgent enough, and the dungeons and events we are given to explore for this purpose never as interesting as the earlier dungeons. they are repetitive and boring to play. the return to the earlier already explored locations doesn't deepen or reveal enough to really make it worthwhile also, the entire world has already been explored, except for a small handful of false locations gated off by tedious minigames. there is not the sense of exploration and wonder. returning to midgar is interesting and thrilling, but we don't see enough of it to feel its more than an interlude

northern crater, the final dungeon, is excellent and difficult. its strange format (splitting the party) is jarring and scary, you feel less that you're working together than that you're being fragmented by the hugeness of a place. as a kid this really worked. as an adult northern crater's art really doesn't compare to the earlier art. the monsters are hard enough that the dungeon is very scary at first, and becoming powerful enough to eventually (easily) best them is pretty satisfying, less so now that it can be played at 3x speed, but back then, a real feat.

the game's best art exists in the tension between natural beauty and modern ruin. the twisted steel of midgar's smoking beams, broken slums, destroyed airplanes buried in dust, blasted trees surrounding a destroyed power plant, steaming interiors of menacing architectures, and so on, juxtaposed with twisty steel-grey mountains, shining water, the gleam of materia and the glowing green liquid mako, faceless and lonely cliff-faces.

AS FOR THE COMBAT GAME PLAY:

it's still very good. the materia system and the constraints of available slots allows a really good freedom and forces some really interesting choices, while allowing some very interesting combinations and combos. the magic is clean and fun, the nomenclature satisfying. what's better than casting a spell called Ice2 or Bolt3? it's immediate, and the animations match the expectation. the late-game magic is impressive and fun as well, but never quite matches the utility of the early magic -- again this is because of the structure of the game, we are never forced into situations where we need to use them effectively. on the other hand, we get a spell called Ultima that turns the entire screen fried neon green, and it rocks

the summons remain impressive and rhythmic and surprising (what the fuck is typhon?), their use is immediately intelligible (very powerful magic that can only be used once per battle, but very expensive over the course of even a couple battles), it is very fun to recognize characters from mythology, the animations are like interludes of music

ATB is still a really neat combat system, and an excellent hybrid between turn based and complete freedom. it makes sense to control a party in this way, and punishes too much hesitation. i wish dungeons and dragons could emulate this somehow, my players really take so much time to make decisions during combat.

THE MUSIC

the music really is some of the best out of every video game ever. the opening theme still almost moves me to tears, sephiroth's theme, aeris' theme, the battle music, the junon parade theme, the electric guitar boss music still absolutely fucks, the world map music is so beautiful, tifa's sad childlike theme, the shinra HQ theme, it's all immediately recognizable and communicates something essential about the characters and places, but also adds something indefinable. it maintains this feeling of surprise all the way up to the end when you fight sephiroth's last form, as the angel, i remember the first time i heard one winged angel i could not believe this music existed in a video game. there are a few times when the game's music wanders, but mostly it's seamlessly excellent and i could almost listen to it on repeat.

AERIS

her death, as a child, was truly surprising, shocking, strange, her absence a strange lack more than something overly telegraphed. i've heard this is what death is like, i have actually been lucky enough not to experience a close death. as an adult it still has that quality.

she herself is a strange and sad character, i like her a lot, she is truly optimistic in a way the others aren't, she teases, she's really a kind person, and she's a flirt. when the game introduces the idea that she and cloud are "perfect" for each other (right before her death, of course, and right after a very difficult early-game boss fight that we don't know is her last combat appearance), it creates a true longing that doesn't quite match her personality, but we can tell that she and cloud both do long for love. she really is a great character.

i don't quite buy, based on this, her sort of spiritual spaciness, and her willingness to go off on her own, away from protection. but maybe i'm still grieving her.

THE ENDING

the ending is very good. you kill sephiroth in an attempt to save the world, but the world still ends, probably. at the very least it will be irrevocably altered and it is likely many many people including the main character's died. this matches the urgency and sadness of the game right from the opening minutes, with barrett crying, "The planet's dying!" This is more than just the people, it is about the planet

However the game takes pains to have a resolution of sorts to all the characters, because the game cares very much about the people as well. this is nice and appreciated, and all the resolutions feel pretty true to the characters. i wish there could have been something more for them.

LESSONS TO LEARN

the importance of characters and NPCs, vivid interesting NPCs and an assortment of them invariably give the world depth and interest. gotta do the characters.

not sure what else can be applied. simply observations.

still a great game.