Some things that happened

They accidentally traveled four days forward in time due to an unfavorable astrological configuration, which caused their doppelgangers to be forced down from the Primal Void to resolve the paradox.  I was going to have the doppelgangers compete with them in everything they did, but they trapped their doppelgangers in the palace kitchen by having the court wizard send out messengers going, "Oh wow! I figured out how to hatch the egg of the Unmonkey! Where are you?? You should come right away!"

They interrogated Nick's doppelganger's trapped soul and learned about the ongoing war between the seven mighty stars of the Primal Void, which I had written a lengthy and detailed write-up about maybe a year ago, but which I lost in the meantime.  "Umm uhh uhhmmm uh" I said.  "Nate can you just say we know this stuff and we can move on?"  "Yes," I said.  "Okay," they said, and wrote it down on their sheets. "Knowledge.. of the ... what is it?" "Primal Void."  "The Primal... Void..."

They crushed a white elf necromancer with the giant black egg of the ancient unmonkey god Oth Omogg.  They rolled the egg over the necromancer very slowly and laughed while he died.

The turned the mithril bars they found in the secret underground church of Izorides, Goddess of Witches, which was guarded by Velrathi the 1374th God of Wind, into arms and armor.  Good for them.

They procured a guide book for creating a brass golem (to be randomly generated from Carcosa), but I think they've forgot about it.

Thomson rigged his electric generator into a backpack, bought fancy copper wire, and specially rigged up a handful of crossbow bolts to hook into the wire and the generator.  He taught his trained monkey "Monkey B. Goode" how to turn the crank on command.  Here are some people Thomson's tased: a cannibal ape; Hocca Orgemyth, a filthy man in thrall to manscorpions pretending to be a priest of St. Coreme.

They met Grim, an 11-year-old child prostitute sorceress, who is also Nick's girlfriend Meela.  Some mummies were climbing up out of some coffins hanging off a cliffside, and she kicked one off.  When I asked them how they planned to evade the three-headed giant ape god in the forest, she suggested they move "laterally" to the road.  In her words, she plans to only cast dirty, sneaky spells.

Here's a picture she drew of Nick's character Dirtface:

He has a red mallet that when it hits a guy, there's a 30% chance it makes a GONG sound and they phase out of existence for a round, and he has a cloak made from the hides of the Star Hounds that guarded the throneroom of the Damnation Prophet.

What else

They traveled south of Olomoc into the Goblin Wastes.  Hex crawling is made easy with:

1. a hex-map that happens to correspond in part to a map of the Goblin Wastes that I'd already drawn
2. the text-mechanics site to easily generate a list of all the numbers of the hexes, even though they weren't sequential
3. Logan's Choose Your Own Generator website to create a hex generator
4. The 26ish generators I labored over without knowing for sure if they'd actually end up being useful

So they crawled through the Goblin Wastes, evaded the three-headed ape god "Throol Josh," the evil druids riding him, and his army of cannibal apes; and hung out with a knight of Duke Oppelhopf mounted on a snail who told them about the manscorpions infesting the Shrine of St. Coreme, and also about a purple orc warlock in a spiked iron crown marauding the town of Beldr Tuum to the east, and also about the kingdom of King Roderick and Queen Ang to the south which borders on the domain of Urizen, Lord of Change, whose corpse blights the landscape near the Academy of Thaumaturgica Delirium.




Finally finally they made it to the Shrine of St. Coreme, who as reward for killing some witches a long time ago, promised to mend their wounds and grant them a weapon of great power if ever they visited her shrine.

Me: "There's a broad, shallow lake filled with dead tree trunks, fed by two streams.  At the far end of the lake a black pyramid rises from the water, and atop the pyramid is a black obelisk."

Them: "This shrine is a lot more metal than I thought it was going to be."

Cool.  They slew the false priest and kneeled before the likeness of St. Coreme, who was crucified upside down on a cross for her heresy against Azhardhul, the Blake Drake.  She opened her marble eyes and the heavens parted and she peeled her withered hand away from the cross and touched them on their foreheads, and all their ills were cured: the blue gorillas that were living in their dreams leapt from their minds; the mind of Skoraz the Wizard flew screaming from Nick's psyche; Jeff's mummy rotted bite closed up; and Thomson's false body, which he accidentally inhabited after misfiring a wand at the Damnation Prophet months and months ago, and which was tall, grim, ugly, and composed of poisonous snakes, that body melted off of him like wax, and exposed good old scrawny Sad Ed.

Everyone high fived.  Good game.  This game is a good game.

Big Automated Random Wizard Generator

Random Wizard (click there)

Some of the component parts include:

50 Wizard Powers (cribbed in part from here)

1 Wizard Lie 1/day
2 Wizard Lie 3/day
3 Wizard Lie 5/day
4 Always Levitating d6"
5 Immune to Fear
6 Never need sleep!
7 Cat Familiar
8 Crow Familiar
9 Rat Familiar
10 Weasel Familiar
11 Monkey Familiar
12 Shadow Familiar
13 Counterspell 1/day
14 Counterspell 2/day
15 Counterspell 3/day
16 Random Mutation
17 Spell DC+2
18 Attack +2
19 Calloused flesh, AC +4
20 Speak with Objects 1/day
21 Demonic Ally
22 d4+3 Monster Allies
23 Mind Controlled NPC Thrall
24 Fighter ally of equal level
25 Wizard Ally (roll again)
26 Powerful Wizard Protector, Far Away (roll again, level+5)
27 Another wizard inside mind emerges at half health, acts as a separate monster with shared hitpoints
28 Removable Face (another face beneath)
29 Removable Eye
30 Removable Hand
31 Removable Tongue
32 Human Form
33 Animal Form
34 Eat Brains to Learn Spells
35 Extra Highest Level Spell Stored in Item
36 Soul Kept in Phylactery
37 "Staff shall be splintered"
38 Poisonous Shadow
39 Fractal (creates miniatures when damaged)
40 Completely Alien Mind
41 Spellbook Tattooed on Body
42 Double duration 1/day
43 Cast as free action 1/day
44 Bring spell to life 1/week; HD=spell level; AC=caster INT; attack as fighter; lasts indefinitely; can self destruct to cast self
45 Eyes have no pupils (immune to gaze attacks)
46 Cast offensive spell on death
47 Contingency to cast defensive spell
48 Knows 1 more spell of level+1
49 Long, sharpened nails (damage d6)
50 Teleport back to wizard stronghold 1/week

d20 Wizard Weaponry

1 Dagger
2 Longsword
3 Shortsword
4 Staff
5 Fists
6 Old trumpet
7 Rusty knife
8 Broken staff
9 Dog
10 Spear
11 Torch
12 Crossbow
13 Sling
14 Shortbow
15 Longbow
16 Vials of acid
17 Javelin snakes
18 Hunting hawk
19 Boomerang
20 Bloody rock

"What's In Its Pockets" d100 table

1 Star-ended wand (nonfunctioning)
2 Metal wand (nonfunctioning)

3 Glittery wand (nonfunctioning)
4 Broken wooden wand (nonfunctioning)
5 Fingernails of local saint; heals 2d10 when powdered and brewed into drink
6 Radioactive coal
7 Dead cat
8 Goldfish in aquarium
9 Preserved shark
10 Fluorescent octopus in jar
11 Blacklight fungus in glass orb
12 A blindheim in hooded lantern
13 Pickled frog
14 Pickled eggs
15 Reading glasses
16 Nudie cards
17 Old boot
18 Sword handle
19 Handcuffs
20 Small hammer
21 Red high heels
22 Loaded dice
23 Normal dice
24 Deed to house in random city
25 Rabbit's foot
26 Mistletoe
27 Dominoes
28 Broken comb
29 Hoop earring
30 Hook hand
31 Bag of teeth
32 Holy symbol
33 Rusty chain
34 Padlock (no key)
35 Bag of nails
36 A filthy plate
37 Women’s underwear in brown envelope
38 Leather sack containing (roll again)
39 Leather gloves
40 Fingerless gloves
41 3d6 belts
42 Bag of broken glass
43 Bag of broken blue glass
44 A landscape painting
45 Fingernail polish
46 Mildewy socks
47 Fly on a string
48 Small locked chest containing cobra
49 Local key with value d20
50 Crude map of nearby dungeon with directions to entrance
51 Crude map of dungeon players are in
52 Sewing needles and black ink
53 Detailed notes on random monster
54 Recipe to random potion
55 A random potion
56 d4-1 random potions
57 A random scroll of level d6-1
58 A random scroll of level 2d4-1
59 Jar of fireflies
60 Black pudding in glass orb
61 A lich's phylactery
62 Tiny stone figurine, is petrified/miniaturized foe of wizard, will offer reward if rescued
63 d100 gold stamped with mark of hostile kingdom
64 Handwritten bounty for PC's issued by new random villain
65 Picture of PC's sister in locket
66 An arrow of slaying
67 Rolled up fancy rug
68 Bad smelling cheap incense
69 Dried fungus, provides +2 to spell DC for 6hrs if burned and inhaled, but -4 to Wis and Cha
70 Incomplete formula to random level 8 or 9 spell (find another to get a scroll)
71 A goat
72 Bottle of cheap hooch
73 Nearly empty bottle of expensive hooch
74 Bottle of homemade hooch (save v poison or unconscious immediately)
75 Bottle of hallucinatory hooch (drink the entire bottle and hallucinate for d12 hours)
76 Bottle of black hooch, drinker may march at full speed while fatigued
77 Shrunken head, provides 1 oracular answer per week if fed 1d6x100gp (as scrying)
78 Tiny idol of horrible, previously unknown god
79 Minotaur horns
80 Unicorn hoooves
81 Dead crow
82 Shriveled hand
83 An iron crown, which a powerful wight tirelessly seeks to recover
84 Salt shaker
85 10’ pole
86 Sealing caulk - when applied to the seams of a door, seals the door shut
87 Carton of cigarettes
88 Three-headed snake in cage
89 Banjo
90 Bucket of paint (random color)
91 d10xLevel gp
92 d100xLevel gp
93 Bad dream in a bottle, as random fortune
94 Crawling claw
95 Medusa’s eye in fancy padded case
96 d4+1 black candles
97 Hand of glory
98 A rock all wrapped up in rope; if the rope is cut or untied, the rock suddenly expands to fill d20xd20xd20 foot area
99 Handwritten guide to initiatory rites of top secret wizard organization
100 A chest containing a chained-up person, as well as (roll again)

Offensive Spells

1 Acid Arrow
2 Acid Cloud
3 Aerial Servant
4 Animal Growth
5 Animal Summoning I
6 Animal Summoning II
7 Animal Summoning III
8 Animate Dead
9 Animate Dead Monsters
10 Animate Object
11 Animate Rock
12 Attraction
13 Avoidance
14 Banishment
15 Battering Gauntlets
16 Beguiling
17 Besieging Bolt
18 Bestow Curse
19 Bind
20 Black Tentacles
21 Blacklight Burst
22 Blackmote
23 Blade Barrier
24 Blazing Beam
25 Blindness
26 Boiling Bath
27 Burning Hands
28 Cacodemon
29 Call Lightning
30 Call Woodland Beings
31 Cause Blindness
32 Cause Critical Wounds
33 Cause Disease
34 Cause Fear
35 Cause Light Wounds
36 Cause Paralysis
37 Cause Serious Wounds
38 Chain Lightning
39 Charm Monster
40 Charm Person
41 Charm Person or Mammal
42 Charm Plants
43 Chaos  
44 Chill Metal
45 Chill Touch
46 Chromatic Orb
47 Clenched Fist
48 Cloak of Fear
49 Cloudkill
50 Color Spray
51 Command
52 Cone Of Cold  
53 Confusion
54 Conjure Animals
55 Conjure Earth Elemental
56 Conjure Elemental
57 Conjure Fire Elemental
58 Control Undead
59 Creeping Doom
60 Crushing Hand
61 Crystal Dagger
62 Crystal Dirk
63 Crystal Rhythms
64 Crystalbrittle
65 Darkness
66 Darkness ’ Radius
67 Deadly Strike
68 Deafness
69 Death Fog
70 Death Screen
71 Death Spell
72 Delayed Blast Fire Ball
73 Demi-Shadow Magic
74 Demi-Shadow Monsters
75 Destruction
76 Diamond Screen
77 Digit of Disruption
78 Disc of Concordant Opposition  
79 Disintegrate
80 Disjunction
81 Dismissal
82 Dolor
83 Drums of Despair
84 Dust Devil
85 Earthquake
86 Ebony Tendrils
87 Electric Arc
88 Electrical Screen
89 Energy Drain
90 Enmeshment
91 Entangle
92 Excruciating Screen
93 Explosive Runes
94 Eyebite
95 Fantastic Fencers
96 Fascinate
97 Fear
98 Feeblemind
99 Finger of Death
100 Fire and Ice
101 Fire Seeds
102 Fire Storm
103 Fire Trap
104 Fireball
105 Firewater
106 Flame Arrow
107 Flame Blade
108 Flame Strike
109 Flaming Blade
110 Flaming Sphere
111 Flash
112 Flesh to Stone
113 Footsore
114 Forget
115 Freezing Sphere
116 Fumble  
117 Giant Insect
118 Go Down
119 Gong of Isolation
120 Grasping Hand
121 Grease
122 Grue Conjuration
123 Gust of Wind
124 Harm
125 Heat Metal
126 Hold Animal
127 Hold Monster
128 Hold Person
129 Hold Plant
130 Hold Undead
131 Holy Word
132 Hunting Hawk
133 Hypnotic Pattern
134 Hypnotism
135 Ice Storm
136 Imprisonment
137 Improved Phantasmal Force
138 Incendiary Cloud
139 Insect Plague
140 Interposing Hand
141 Invisible Stalker
142 Irresistible Dance
143 Lamentable Belabourment
144 Lightburst
145 Lightning Bolt
146 Magic Missile
147 Malediction
148 Maze
149 Meteor Swarm
150 Meteors
151 Minor Curse
152 Minute Meteors
153 Monster Summoning I
154 Monster Summoning II
155 Monster Summoning III
156 Monster Summoning IV
157 Monster Summoning V
158 Monster Summoning VI
159 Monster Summoning VII
160 Moonbeam
161 Mummy Touch
162 Paralyzation
163 Phantasmal Force
164 Phantasmal Killer
165 Plague
166 Poison
167 Poison Touch
168 Polar Screen
169 Power Word, Blind
170 Power Word, Kill
171 Power Word, Stun
172 Primal Fury
173 Prismatic Sphere
174 Prismatic Spray
175 Prismatic Wall
176 Produce Fire
177 Produce Flame
178 Push
179 Pyrotechnics
180 Radiant Arch
181 Radiant Baton
182 Radiant Screen
183 Rainbow Pattern
184 Ray of Enfeeblement
185 Repulsion
186 Resilient Sphere
187 Reverse Gravity
188 Reversed Temporal Fugue
189 Scare
190 Sepia Snake Sigil
191 Serpent Missile
192 Shades
193 Shadow Magic
194 Shadow Monsters
195 Shatter
196 Shillelagh
197 Shocking Grasp
198 Shout
199 Shrink Animal
200 Shrink Insect
201 Silence 10’ Radius
202 Silencing Hand
203 Slay Living
204 Sleep
205 Slow
206 Smoky Sphere
207 Snare
208 Spectral Force
209 Spike Growth
210 Spike Stones
211 Spiritual Hammer
212 Staff of Smiting
213 Steaming Sphere
214 Sticks to Snakes
215 Stinking Cloud
216 Strangling Grip
217 Summon Insects
218 Summon Shadow
219 Sunburst
220 Sunray
221 Sword
222 Symbol
223 Telekinesis
224 Telekinetic Sphere
225 Temporal Fugue
226 Temporal Stasis
227 Tin Soldiers
228 Tonal Attack
229 Trap
230 Uncontrollable Laughter
231 Undead Drain
232 Unholy Word
233 Wall of Fire
234 Web
235 Weird
236 Whip
237 Wither
238 Wyvern Watch

Defensive Spells

1 Aid
2 Air Walk
3 Alarm
4 Anti-Animal Shell
5 Anti-Magic Shell
6 Antipathy/Sympathy
7 Anti-Plant Shell
8 Armor
9 Attraction
10 Avoidance
11 Barkskin
12 Benediction
13 Beneficent Polymorph
14 Blade Barrier
15 Bless
16 Blur
17 Canticle
18 Change Self
19 Changestaff
20 Chant
21 Charm Monster
22 Charm Person
23 Charm Person or Mammal
24 Charm Plants
25 Chime of Release
26 Clairvoyance
27 Cloak of Bravery
28 Cloak Undead
29 Conceal Alignment
30 Conceal Charm
31 Continual Darkness
32 Cure Blindness
33 Cure Critical Wounds
34 Cure Disease
35 Cure Light Wounds
36 Cure Minor Wounds
37 Cure Serious Wounds
38 Dancing Lights
39 Dancing Werelight
40 Darkness
41 Darkness 10’ Radius
42 Deadly Strike
43 Defense Against Lycanthropes
44 Defense Against Reptiles
45 Delude
46 Destroy Water
47 Dextrous Digits
48 Diamond Screen
49 Dimension Door
50 Dismiss Earth Elemental
51 Dismiss Fire Elemental
52 Dismissal
53 Dispel Evil
54 Dispel Exhaustion
55 Dispel Good
56 Dispel Illusion
57 Dispel Magic
58 Dispel Silence
59 Dispelling Screen
60 Distance Distortion
61 Duo-Dimension
62 Electrical Screen
63 Endure Cold
64 Endure Heat
65 Enlarge
66 Enmeshment
67 Entangle
68 Enveloping Darkness
69 ESP
70 Exaction
71 Excruciating Screen
72 Eye of the Eagle
73 Eye of the Tiger
74 Faerie Fire
75 Faithful Hound
76 Faithful Phantom Defenders
77 Faithful Phantom Guardian
78 Faithful Shield-Maidens
79 Feather Fall
80 Feign Death
81 Fire Shield
82 Fire Trap
83 Flame Walk
84 Fly
85 Flying Feat
86 Fog Cloud
87 Force Sculpture
88 Force Umbrella
89 Forcecage
90 Forcecube
91 Forget
92 Fortunes of War
93 Freedom
94 Gaze Reflection
95 Globe Of Invulnerability
96 Glyph of Warding
97 Grease
98 Guards & Wards
99 Gust of Wind
100 Hallucinatory Forest
101 Hallucinatory Terrain
102 Haste
103 Heal
104 Hold Animal
105 Hold Monster
106 Hold Person
107 Hold Plant
108 Hold Portal
109 Hold Undead
110 Holy Symbol
111 Holy Word
112 Hypnotic Pattern
113 Hypnotism
114 Ice Storm
115 Improved Invisibility
116 Infravision
117 Instant Exit
118 Instant Summons
119 Interposing Hand
120 Invisibility
121 Invisibility 10’ Radius
122 Invisibility to Animals
123 Invisibility to Undead
124 Jump
125 Levitate
126 Light
127 Light Step
128 Lizard to Log
129 Magic Mouth
130 Magic Stone
131 Magical Vestment
132 Major Ward
133 Marvelous Shield
134 Mask
135 Mass Charm
136 Mass Invisibility
137 Mass Suggestion
138 Massmorph
139 Masterpiece Force Sculpture
140 Meditation
141 Meld Into Stone  
142 Mind Blank
143 Mind Scan
144 Mind Shield
145 Minor Globe of Invulnerability
146 Minor Ward
147 Mirror Image
148 Misdirection
149 Mislead
150 Move Earth
151 Negative Plane Protection
152 Neutralize Poison
153 Non-detection
154 Obscure Alignment
155 Obscure Object
156 Obscurement
157 Orb of Containment
158 Paralyzation
159 Pass Plant
160 Pass Without Trace
161 Passwall
162 Phantom Armor
163 Phase Door
164 Plant Door
165 Plant Growth
166 Polar Screen
167 Prayer
168 Prismatic Sphere  
169 Prismatic Wall
170 Private Sanctum
171 Protection from Avians
172 Protection from Cantrips
173 Protection from Evil
174 Protection from Evil ’ Radius
175 Protection from Fire
176 Protection from Gas
177 Protection from Good
178 Protection from Good ’ Radius
179 Protection from Insects
180 Protection from Lightning
181 Protection from Normal Missiles
182 Protection from Scrying
183 Protection from Slime
184 Radiant Screen
185 Reduce
186 Regenerate
187 Remove Curse
188 Remove Fear
189 Remove Paralysis
190 Repel Insects
191 Repulsion
192 Resilient Sphere
193 Resist Cold
194 Resist Fire
195 Restoration
196 Resurrection
197 Revenance
198 Rope Trick
199 Run
200 Running Warrior
201 Sanctuary
202 Scent Mask
203 Secure Shelter
204 Sepia Snake Sigil
205 Sequester
206 Shadow Door
207 Shadow Walk
208 Shape Change
209 Shield
210 Silence10 ’ Radius
211 Silencing Hand
212 Silver Tongue
213 Simulacrum
214 Sleep
215 Slow
216 Slow Poison
217 Smoky Sphere
218 Snake Charm
219 Snakes to Sticks
220 Snare
221 Solid Fog
222 Soothing Vibrations
223 Spectral Force
224 Spectral Guard
225 Spell Immunity
226 Spider Climb
227 Spike Growth
228 Spike Stones
229 Statue
230 Steady Aim
231 Stinking Cloud
232 Stone Shape
233 Stoneskin
234 Strength
235 Succor
236 Superior Force Sculpture
237 Swift Mount
238 Telekinesis
239 Telekinetic Sphere
240 Telepathic Bond
241 Teleport
242 Teleport Dead
243 Teleport Without Error
244 Temporal Fugue
245 Temporal Reinstatement
246 Temporal Stasis
247 Tiny Hut
248 Tonal Attack
249 Tones of Forgetfulness
250 Transmute Metal to Wood
251 Transmute Mud to Rock
252 Transmute Rock to Mud
253 Transmute Water to Dust
254 Transport via Plants
255 True Seeing
256 True Sight
257 Turn Wood
258 Ultravision
259 Undetectable Lie
260 Vacancy
261 Vanish
262 Veil
263 Ventriloquism
264 Vicissitude
265 Wall of Fire
266 Wall of Fog
267 Wall of Force
268 Wall of Ice
269 Wall of Iron
270 Wall of Stone
271 Wall of Thorns
272 Ward Against Undead
273 Warding Tones
274 Water Walk
275 Web
276 Wind Walk
277 Wind Wall
278 Wizard Lock
279 Wraithform